tomAto, tomato: same thing, right?

I was thinking about the whole "tomato" pronunciation thing. There is this lady that comes into the Subway I work at, and when she asks for tomato's she says it with the "ah" sound instead of the "a" sound. (for the record, this is freaking awesome to hear and it was a lifelong dream to hear someone say tomato like that! love it.) What got me thinking was that I still knew what she was referring to. The tomato with the "ah" sound holds the exact same qualities as the tomato with the "a" sound, because they are the same thing. Why is it so easy then to make the connection in the difference of the pronunciation of tomato's, but we constantly fail to make the connection that Jesus is God. They are the exact same, just with a different pronunciation right?

God just has many pronunciations instead of only two. Father, friend, counselor, neighbor, savior, Lord, and king are just a few. ALL of them hold the exact same qualities as God. If this is the case, then shouldn't it be way easier to "reach for the right God" when we ask for Him by name? Why have we made is so difficult to recognize God in everyday situations? It's like we don't know what He looks like, so we end up grabbing something else. What if I would have grabbed green peppers when the lady asked for tom"ah"tos? I would have probably looked like a jackass, but I'd also look really stupid because it's pretty obvious what she asked for. In the same way, isn't it foolish to ask God for something and then take something else because you couldn't recognize that God is obviously in front of you? Had I grabbed the peppers, I'm sure I would have been corrected until I grabbed the right thing. In the same way, I feel like the body of Christ should correct those who "grab the wrong God" until they know for sure that what they have is the right thing. God is the same no matter what form He is in, just like tomato's are. Sometimes it just takes a little help to see Him.

I'm stuck in a storm

I've been pretty distant from my blog lately, because honestly I don't know what to write. I don't feel like I have anything important to say, or any "words of wisdom" to share. Life is funny like that. One minute you can't wait to shout from a mountain top the things you've been learning, and other times you want nothing more than to hide out from the world until the clouds pass over. Just like some people are effected by the changes in the weather, I'm being effected by the changing seasons in my own life. Learning how to deal with the different obstacle's life presents isn't easy to do. When you try and do it yourself, like I've been doing, it becomes a million times harder. Guilt is a trap. It feeds your mind bullshit and convinces you that you're on your own. It makes you feel like no one else could possibly understand exactly what you're going through because It tells you that "you are different". The truth of the matter is, is that God is bigger than all of that crap. If the truth is so easy to see, then why is it so hard to follow? I'm in a place where the lies seem more believable than the truth, and I don't know how to escape. I feel vulnerable and helpless. I wish God was here to have a conversation with so someone could know exactly how I feel. I'm frustrated with myself for not being strong enough to get through this on my own. I'm more frustrated that going to church doesn't seem to help. Why doesn't it feel like God is helping me? Trust? What am I doing wrong, and how do I make it right. When I first came to Jesus I felt like I was on top of the world. Now I feel like I'm right back in it. I don't think I'm strong enough to make the decisions I need to make on my own in order to get to a place where I can feel content. I know what needs to be done, but I'm lacking the confidence it's the right choice for me...or if it's really going to make a difference.

so that's that. word vomit is all I got.

New Life

My nephew was born on August 8th, 2011 at a healthy 7 pounds 9 ounces, and I couldn't be more excited. The entire process of waiting for him to arrive was awesome! It blows my mind that a tiny blob on a piece of photo paper turned into an absolutely beautiful baby boy. Getting to hold him for the first time was amazing. His cheeks are so dang soft and his nose is all tiny. He has the cutest little ears and a butt load of hair on his head. Everything is so tiny! Even his little eyelashes! Oh my are they cute! They are the tiniest little hairs I've ever seen on a human being. I love everything about him!! Sitting there with him sleeping in my arms, I got to thinking about how truly breathtaking like is. He is so fragile and dependant on literally everyone around him to live. This child has no idea how to do anything on his own except breathe. It's really amazing that every one of us are like that when we first enter the world. Our parents are our life line. Without someone to love us and care for us, we would be helpless.

In the same way, we should also be just as dependant on God. When I was holding the little guy, I got to wondering how Adam felt when he first entered the world. What was his first immediate reaction to the things around him? Did he cry out for someone to touch him? Was he completely lost and looking for some sort of guidance? I have to think he was instantly searching for something. Had God not made His presence known, where do you think we would be today? I just love the idea of God being a personal God. Can you imagine giving birth to a child you love so dearly and instead of embracing him immediately in hugs and kisses and showing him how to live, you sit back on the sidelines and say nothing? Studies have shown that in order for a child to survive once he's out of the womb, he MUST have physical contact with another human being. Isn't our relationship with God pretty dang similar? I love that God wants to do life with us, just as much as a new parent wants to do life with their child! He wants to be there every step of the way and watch his children grow. Parents want to rejoice with their children, and hold them when they cry. I cannot wait to see my brother become the best dang dad I've ever seen. My nephew is one lucky little man. It's going to be such an awesome experience to watch him grow up and become his own person. I pray that he grows up to be healthy, intelligent, and that he has a strong relationship with Jesus. I personally can't wait to watch him discover the world!

Love; my hero

"What is a hero?" That was a common question I heard growing up in school a lot. I always loved hearing that question, because it meant I got to write a paper about a hero in my life. I remember always writing about my favorite cartoon or comic book character. If I knew my parents would have a chance to read my work, I'd write about them. I never really put much thought into the question until I got older. When I was in elementary school, I only cared about the physical features of the people I considered to be a hero. They were always strong, and most always a man. Hey, someone had to kill the bad guys...right? Today, a hero is much more than a football star to me.

So who is the current hero in my life? I'd be lying if I said I had just one hero in my life. There are plenty of people in my life that fit the criteria of being a hero to me. My parents, my friends, and my pastors are just a few. Call me a hippie, but the real hero in my life is Love. Every one of the people that I consider to be a hero are the most living people I know. To me, if you can love then you can be someones hero. I don't think a hero has to save the world or solve every problem. I just think a hero has to love you enough to be there in your life. The best hero's in my life let me fail and show up when I need help bailing myself out of the mess I just created. They support me when it's obvious I have a really bad idea. The hero's in my life encourage me to do better and lift me up when I fall. My hero's are not afraid to tell me the truth, even if it hurts us both. They are generous, humble, funny, hard-working individuals. My hero's have faith in me and faith in other people. They also have a great faith in God. My hero's are trustworthy and patient and won't ever give up on me. They are helpful, and great at listening and communicating. The list could go on.

When I take a look at what a hero is to me, Love is in the center of it all. The reason the hero's in my life have all of those qualities I just listed, is because they also have Love in their lives. Christian or not, Love should always come first. Love is the reason we are alive, and Love gives us the motivation to keep on living. Without Love, nobody would have a hero, because nobody would care enough to be someones hero. Sometimes I think our childhood hero's let us down and we give up on the idea of a hero completely. This to me is why Love is my ultimate hero. Love doesn't let people down, it only helps them to become better. After all, isn't that what a hero is supposed to do?

My Father's house

This was a small part of a previous blog I have posted. I wanted to share it again, but elaborate on it a little bit. I feel like God has been trying to teach me again the importance of having a stable father figure in life. This is a lesson that I think I'm going to have to re-learn many times throughout my life. I'm thankful God is there to teach me and guide me.

“Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” - Luke 2:49

Every one of us has a father here on earth. And every one of us at some point or another feels disconnected with our father. Some of us may have great relationships with out fathers, while others may have never met him. There are also those who rely on a respectable male figure in their life to serve as a father figure. Jesus was one of those children. Joseph, the husband of Mary and father to Jesus, isn't actually responsible for the birth of his son. God was. Joseph did however did raise Jesus and guide him in the right direction at a young age. As time went on though, Jesus began to feel a disconnection with Joseph. I feel like every one of us can relate to that. As I was reading this verse an overwhelming sense of comfort came over me. God will always be the perfect father...no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing our earthly fathers. But in those moments when it's hard to find that fatherly connection it is really awesome to know that God is there, waiting for us to come to him. He won't steer us in the wrong direction, or tell us we aren't worthy of love. Jesus is at every soccer game and He's there when a close friend dies. God is a father that displays a positive influence to His children.

In my own life, my dad is an amazing person. He has such a good heart and an amazing work ethic. He has provided for his family, he's playful and hilarious, and he is a great cook! There isn't a single person on this planet that I love more than my father. I'm so blessed to have a father that loves me. Like any other relationship though, my dad and I have our issues. He doesn't speak my love language so I often don't feel like he loves me as much as I think he should. My dad also has a temper. In moments where I needed my dad to be there, he has failed to show up. But my dad is human. I love him just the same even if he has made some mistakes. I've made the same mistakes, so who am I to judge him? The problem is, in the heat of the moment when I feel like I need my dad and he isn't there in the way I need him to be, I get upset. Lately though, in those moments God has come down to meet me where I'm at and remind me that my dad is only human. God is there to remind me that my dad loves me. Not only that, it's in those moment where my heavenly Father shows me how faithful He is. One day my dad won't be here on this earth with me. That is going to break my heart, but I am confident that with Christ in me, I will get through anything. I'm so thankful for what God has given me. My life has never been easy, but God has blessed me with a kind heart and with the gift to love people regardless of circumstance. He has also given me what I need to survive. When my dad can no longer provide for his family, God will. God provides for every one of His children! Jesus, God's only child died on the cross so that you and I could experience that love forever! Sacrificing your life is probably the biggest act of love there is, and God came down in human form to do just that for every single human being on this planet!! I don't know about you, but I'd say God is a pretty awesome father!

The reality of God

Wow. It's been so long since I've blogged! I'll just dig right in.

I was thinking about how often I question what's in front of me. I've been doing that my entire life. It's like a tick. I just have to know "why"...about everything. My quest to know "why" lead to me Christ, but it has also been a constant barrier in my life. So as I thought about it, it occurred to me that if I question whats in front of me, then aren't I allowing my imagination to become a reality as well? Questioning my reality would make things like "what could have been" or "what might be" relevant. The problem with that is making those questions relevant would put me at a place where I could never be content. I think that with God in the picture, I wouldn't really need to question things like that because He is all knowing. If God is all knowing then it means that He will let me know what I need to know on His time, not mine. If I know everything the minute God did, then in theory, God wouldn't be the God that I read about in the bible. Maybe I don't even need to know what I'm questioning? Maybe the "why?" I'm asking about isn't even a question? For example, there is no question that everyone dies, so I guess that means when I ask "why did it happen?" or "when will it happen?" isn't relevant to be asking. It's not even a question at all. It's a fact. God knows why, I don't. I suppose life isn't really about the "why" as much as it's about "what is." If I made the "why" or "what could be" more important than Jesus, then I start to run into problems. I honestly think that it's unavoidable to question the things I don't understand, but from what I'm learning, it's becoming clear that the questioning should always lead me back to Jesus, the only one that knows the answers. If He isn't answering the question I'm bringing to Him when I want, it might just be because I don't need to know yet.

I think it's great to ask God questions actually because I get to end up at a place where I know that God ultimately has control of the situation. I think failing to come to that conclusion would allow my imagination to take over the situation. I think Satin takes advantage of that. Walking through life focusing on unanswered questions is a reality in my life. Doing that has caused me to miss out on some great experiences because I was focusing on the wrong thing. There is a potential lesson to be learned in literally every situation in life, and God I think God rejoices when I learn. I think Satin also rejoices when I learn though. When I'm focused on the wrong thing, then I end up learning the hard way about things. I think Satin rejoices in those situations because doors are opened up for self destructive thinking or behavior. But when I'm focused on God in everyday situations, learning life's lessons are easy. I think God loves this because I'm being obedient to His word and trusting Him. The good news in by the grace of God, Satin doesn't get total control over learning those hard lessons. Maybe Satin is the one who allows my imagination to become a reality, instead of letting my imagination be a guide that leads me towards Truth? I'm just so grateful for God and the way he allows us to learn. I'm thankful or His timing.

Living today for a better tomorrow

While riding on the constitution trail the other day, I passed an older man riding his bike in the opposite direction I was going. As we approached each other a huge smile grew on his face. It was almost like we had known each other for years and he was just greeting an old friend. We both waved with big smiles and continued in our own direction. After we passed one another, my mind began to race. I started to think about the direction I wanted to take my own life. I couldn't help but wonder about the direction this man had taken his life. Why was he so excited to be outside? Why was he so happy in general? I see so many elderly folks that look so sad, almost like they are constantly thinking about the things they regretted doing or not doing throughout their lifetime. But this man seemed to be perfectly content on his bike enjoying the weather. I wondered if he was so content because he allowed God to lead his life? I thought about the elderly people I come into contact with in my own life. Some of them know God, and they are the happiest people I know. Others don't have a relationship with God and they just seem unhappy to be alive still. And then I thought about what I'm going to be like at an old age. I find myself thinking about that a lot actually. I wonder if I'm going to be proud of who I'm going to be in 60 years. Will other people be proud of me? When I die, will there be 1,000 people at my funeral, or just my family. What things will they say about me? Was I selfish, or did I go out of my way to make sure God was glorified in the things I did? Will my family think that I could have been around more? Did I let other people around me compromise my character?

As I thought about these things, my mind started to race. I found myself hoping that one day I can be like the old man I saw on my bike. I want to be 60 and still be able to enjoy a bike ride. I want to be able to say that I'm happy, and actually mean it. I want to have a family that loves me and I want to love my family in return. I want to be able to say that I listened to God and let him lead me. I want to retire from a job that I love doing, not from a job that puts more food on the table than I need. I really want to be able to tell my grandchildren about God. I want to become "that" grandma...that one that has her hands raised in the air at church and quotes scripture from memory on a daily basis. I want to tell them with confidence that God is faithful, but you have to trust Him. I want to let them know that you're never too young or too old to let God teach you something, and never to frail to be used by God. When I'm that age, I simply want to know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and that it was God who lead me there, not myself.

I don't want to be 60 and grumpy. I want to be that jolly old lady who loves Jesus, family, and cats. When I passed that man on the trail it hit me that if I want to be that happy when I'm his age, I have to start now. At this point in my life, I constantly feel like I don't know who I am, or who I'm supposed to become. What I do know for sure, is that God is trying to lead me. The man on the bike reminded me that we are all on the same trail, but we are all traveling at different speeds and in different directions. The other people on the trail can help me and encourage me, but it's ultimately up to me to end up at the right destination. This means that I have to start trusting God and stop losing faith when it's taking longer than I want to get over a particular hill on the trail. God is always going to be here for me, but I don't always see that at the time. I look at other people and think that I should be going as fast as them or I think that the direction they are moving in seems easier than where I'm going. When I do that, I end up thinking where I'm at isn't good enough. That's actually not the case at all though. I'm just looking to other people to guide me and direct me instead of looking to God to direct me. If I tried to keep up with the biker who is going twice as fast as me, then eventually I would end up holding him back or falling behind. And if I tried to keep the slower pace the old man was going, I'd end up passing him and he would end up holding me back. But if I were to try and keep up with God it's be simple because He is going at my pace. I don't have to race to catch up to Him and I don't have to slow down to let Him catch up with me. God has always been, and will always be right there beside me helping me and pushing me when I don't think I can go another inch. I have to learn to let go of other people and hold on to God with everything I am. If I want the happiness I saw in that old man, I need to learn to rely on God, not others around me. I'm not any of those people on the trail. I am me. And the direction and speed I am going is what's best for me, not them. God made the trail big enough for everyone so we can encourage one another while we're on it, but ultimately He is the one who made it so He is the only one who can lead us in the direction it was intended to go. I think that the trail has a bunch of different ways to get to the end, but I think that only God knows the right path for each individual to get there. Having faith and trusting God is the only way to know for sure if the path I'm on is right. If I step off the trail for a minute or turn myself around at the wrong point, I know that God will let me know and help guide me back in the right direction. I'm only 21. I have awhile until I'm 60 and content. Until then, I want to keep learning how to let God get me there. I don't want to keep thinking that I will never have the happiness that old man has any longer. I want to learn how to be content with the direction God is taking me now and stop thinking about what could be in my future. If I can continue to take leaps on faith now, and trust God and not people, then I don't think that my future is going to have a problem. My future will have a problem though, if I continue to look at were other people are at and think I can't get there. God will get me there on His own time. My job is to follow Him even when I feel discouraged, and let Him get me there.