We are the "red block"

You know that game sliding block game? The one where there are a bunch of blocks in a square and you have to move them around to get the single red block through the opening? That game reminds me of life. If you've ever played it, there are different difficulty levels, each obviously getting harder as you progress. If you've played you've probably also noticed that it seems like there is an unending amount of levels to go through. Pushing the red block through the opening only leads you to another box full of blocks. It never ends! Sometimes when I sit down to play it, I get SO frustrated, that I end up walking away for a few days. It appears I'm never going to get to the opening, but then out of nowhere I find a path that leads me to where I need to be. When I get through the opening I'm so excited...even with the knowledge that I'm entering another obstacle course. Getting through that hole after I thought I couldn't gives me the confidence boost I need to enter the next box with a burst of energy. The cycle continues to repeat itself. It doesn't stop. Just like life we have to keep on pushing through blocks to get to where we're going. It's easy sometimes, but other times it stops you flat on your feet and forces you to stop. We are called to keep on pushing, even when it seems like there are no more options. There is never going to be an opening where there aren't blocks on the other side. Having confidence you can get through the blocks is what makes the difference. The good news is that God has the ability to give us all that confidence if we chose to let him. All we have to do is let go of our pride and say "yes" to His help.

For me, it turns out saying "yes" isn't easy, but I'm slowly getting there. I didn't realize how prideful I have become until about a year ago when I accepted Christ into my heart. The barriers that have been put up because of my pride are preventing me from moving forward. It's taking more time than I thought it would to make a dent in the walls I built. It's like a trap sometimes because my pride is part of the reason those walls are built, but it's my pride that is getting in my way of breaking them down. Thank God we are not called to do this alone. Right now I'm relying on other people to help break my pride, but I need to be giving that to God. All people struggle with pride, so I suppose going to someone who doesn't makes more sense. It seems easier to go to people because they are available in the flesh. I know God is there, but I don't feel like I can go to Him. I'm trying to figure out how to get to a place where I can let go of this and give it to God. Prayers are totally welcome. :)

I'm a snail on the shore of a salty river

I have a commitment problem. Wow. What a way to start out a blog. So. Commitment. Committing to things for me is like a snail committing to cross a river of salt. I'm walking into the situations assuming the worst. It's not that I don't want to commit to things, it's that I'm scared to. Besides spiders, failure is my biggest fear. Because I've failed at so many other things I've committed to going, I've got it in my head that the next time I decide to commit to something it's not going to turn out well. This is the case when it comes to my commitment to follow Christ. I made a commitment to follow Him when I was baptised, and so far I believe I've failed. He has called me to be a different person, but the things He wants me to do in order to become that person seem impossible. I'm going to be completely honest here and say that I haven't really tried as much as I should because of my fear of the unknown. Letting go of fears means I would have to fully rely on God and no longer rely on myself, my pride, and other people. every step of this is so hard! I've struggled with being a failure my entire life, and part of me doesn't want to accept the mission. BUT...I know what God has called me to do, and it recently occurred to me that I don't want to let God down. I've been terrified of letting people down all my life, but I've never been concerned with letting God down. In the past I've taken leaps of faith and trusted God, but when I failed I only thought about what other people thought of me. I wasn't concerned with the fact that God had to be hurting, or the fact that I had never really trusted Him in the first place. I need to stop relying on people and start relying on God. I need to focus on what God is thinking and not sit around and wait for Him to do the work. I have to actually try though in order to trust God. I have to have faith and break down my pride. I think God would be more disappointed that I didn't listen to his clear calling, rather than not get the job done right the first time. I'm still scared to take the first step because I don't think I'm ready. But I suppose I need to seriously think about taking that step, because if I never do, then how am I supposed to change anything?