I've been pretty distant from my blog lately, because honestly I don't know what to write. I don't feel like I have anything important to say, or any "words of wisdom" to share. Life is funny like that. One minute you can't wait to shout from a mountain top the things you've been learning, and other times you want nothing more than to hide out from the world until the clouds pass over. Just like some people are effected by the changes in the weather, I'm being effected by the changing seasons in my own life. Learning how to deal with the different obstacle's life presents isn't easy to do. When you try and do it yourself, like I've been doing, it becomes a million times harder. Guilt is a trap. It feeds your mind bullshit and convinces you that you're on your own. It makes you feel like no one else could possibly understand exactly what you're going through because It tells you that "you are different". The truth of the matter is, is that God is bigger than all of that crap. If the truth is so easy to see, then why is it so hard to follow? I'm in a place where the lies seem more believable than the truth, and I don't know how to escape. I feel vulnerable and helpless. I wish God was here to have a conversation with so someone could know exactly how I feel. I'm frustrated with myself for not being strong enough to get through this on my own. I'm more frustrated that going to church doesn't seem to help. Why doesn't it feel like God is helping me? Trust? What am I doing wrong, and how do I make it right. When I first came to Jesus I felt like I was on top of the world. Now I feel like I'm right back in it. I don't think I'm strong enough to make the decisions I need to make on my own in order to get to a place where I can feel content. I know what needs to be done, but I'm lacking the confidence it's the right choice for me...or if it's really going to make a difference.
so that's that. word vomit is all I got.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
New Life
My nephew was born on August 8th, 2011 at a healthy 7 pounds 9 ounces, and I couldn't be more excited. The entire process of waiting for him to arrive was awesome! It blows my mind that a tiny blob on a piece of photo paper turned into an absolutely beautiful baby boy. Getting to hold him for the first time was amazing. His cheeks are so dang soft and his nose is all tiny. He has the cutest little ears and a butt load of hair on his head. Everything is so tiny! Even his little eyelashes! Oh my are they cute! They are the tiniest little hairs I've ever seen on a human being. I love everything about him!! Sitting there with him sleeping in my arms, I got to thinking about how truly breathtaking like is. He is so fragile and dependant on literally everyone around him to live. This child has no idea how to do anything on his own except breathe. It's really amazing that every one of us are like that when we first enter the world. Our parents are our life line. Without someone to love us and care for us, we would be helpless.
In the same way, we should also be just as dependant on God. When I was holding the little guy, I got to wondering how Adam felt when he first entered the world. What was his first immediate reaction to the things around him? Did he cry out for someone to touch him? Was he completely lost and looking for some sort of guidance? I have to think he was instantly searching for something. Had God not made His presence known, where do you think we would be today? I just love the idea of God being a personal God. Can you imagine giving birth to a child you love so dearly and instead of embracing him immediately in hugs and kisses and showing him how to live, you sit back on the sidelines and say nothing? Studies have shown that in order for a child to survive once he's out of the womb, he MUST have physical contact with another human being. Isn't our relationship with God pretty dang similar? I love that God wants to do life with us, just as much as a new parent wants to do life with their child! He wants to be there every step of the way and watch his children grow. Parents want to rejoice with their children, and hold them when they cry. I cannot wait to see my brother become the best dang dad I've ever seen. My nephew is one lucky little man. It's going to be such an awesome experience to watch him grow up and become his own person. I pray that he grows up to be healthy, intelligent, and that he has a strong relationship with Jesus. I personally can't wait to watch him discover the world!
In the same way, we should also be just as dependant on God. When I was holding the little guy, I got to wondering how Adam felt when he first entered the world. What was his first immediate reaction to the things around him? Did he cry out for someone to touch him? Was he completely lost and looking for some sort of guidance? I have to think he was instantly searching for something. Had God not made His presence known, where do you think we would be today? I just love the idea of God being a personal God. Can you imagine giving birth to a child you love so dearly and instead of embracing him immediately in hugs and kisses and showing him how to live, you sit back on the sidelines and say nothing? Studies have shown that in order for a child to survive once he's out of the womb, he MUST have physical contact with another human being. Isn't our relationship with God pretty dang similar? I love that God wants to do life with us, just as much as a new parent wants to do life with their child! He wants to be there every step of the way and watch his children grow. Parents want to rejoice with their children, and hold them when they cry. I cannot wait to see my brother become the best dang dad I've ever seen. My nephew is one lucky little man. It's going to be such an awesome experience to watch him grow up and become his own person. I pray that he grows up to be healthy, intelligent, and that he has a strong relationship with Jesus. I personally can't wait to watch him discover the world!
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