In the begining, God created man...and then he created woman. If your not familiar with the story, go read Gensis. God created us to be with people. Yes, God also wants us to have a relationship with him, but I also think it's very important to have good strong relationships with other people. Life was simply not meant to be lived alone. I'm aware that I have talked about this subject before in the blog, but I'm not going down the same road I did before. Instead, I'm gonna get more personal.
It's been about a month now since I quit smoking pot. As I've mentioned before, it is NOT easy and most days I really struggle to say no. But along with the struggle of not smoking, a new struggle has come about. I'm finding it very hard to relate to people, and in turn have become rather lonely. People have been surrounding me and supporting me, and don't get me wrong...it's really awesome! I apprciate those who have been supporting me so much and am thankful for God putting those people in my life. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the pastors and friends I have are amazing. The problem I'm having though, is that even with all the support I have, there is a void in my heart. I think a lot of that has to do with my past, but a lot of it also has to do with some of the relationships I did have when I was smoking. I'm learning very quickly that the relationships I had with some of those people that I thought were close to me were for the most part, pretty surface level. Since I've stopped smoking, there is absolutely no substance to the relationships. The real problem with this, is that it is effecting the relationships I do have with the people who actually care about me. Because of those surface level relationships I have been in for so long, I am come to the realization that I am lacking intimacy in the relationships that matter to me. As a result, I am having a very hard time revieving love from people that are trying to send it my way. I hear people saying that they love me and all that...and I believe what they are saying is genuine, but I can't actully come to believe what they are telling me. I simply feel alone. Now, I'm not saying at all that I don't love my friends and pastors and other people in my life...I do SO much, more than you all know. The problem isn't with them loving me, it's with me loving me. Beacuse I have put so much of my identity into a drug for the last 8 years, I have kept myself from really "feeling" what love should feel like. Again, a lot of this also goes back to my childhood, but not all of it. I want SO bad to feel like I'm worth being loved by people....especially the people that should love me. But because of those surface level relationships, I need to re-learn how to recieve genuine love from people who love people, and not drugs. I also need to learn and discover more of my identity in Christ.
With certain people in my life, pot was a bonding tool. The problem is, those are the same people that I should automatically have a bond with. (if your confused about that statement, please message me and I'll explain, but because this is a public blog, I'm not going to here.) I just long so much to have that relationship with them like I have a relationship with pastors or other friends. Actually, even before the pot there was a lack of intimacy in those realtionships, but now even moreso after I've quit. When I was smoking I at least had something to say to those people, but without being high, having any interaction with them is just pointless sometimes. I'm NOT a fan of surface level relationships. I don't feel like they do anything for either party, but sometimes you can't control the people that are put into your life. You simply have to deal with it, and learn to love them anyways. I genuinely love these people with all my heart, but just because I love them does not mean I have the connection with them that I so strongly desire. And honestly, that hurts...a lot. I want the support from them, and I want to feel like they actually care about me. I love that there are people in my life that do actually care about my well-being, but again...I want that from these people as well. And like I said above, because I'm not recieving that, I'm struggling to recieve love from anyone. God did not intend life to be that way at all!
As I've been struggling to learn how to handle this, I have been digging into the Bible for some advice. I love what God has to say about all of this. I'm learning how to rely on Him as well as learning how to find my self worth in Christ, not in people. Honestly, even if you aren't struggling with the same things I am, I still feel like it's VERY important to make sure you find your worth in Christ, not people. People will always let you down at one point or another, but as I have been immercing myself into the word, I keep reading about God's faithfulness. God will never leave and will always love me. No matter what. It doesn't matter what I've done in my life, God will ALWAYS love me for me. Heck, He created me out of love. Why would He not love something He created?! The difference between humans and God is that humans have to learn how to love....God simply put is love. Huge difference in the two. How interesting is it though, that God already knows this? I got to thinking about that for a little while today. Why would God create us out of love, but make us so we have to learn how to love? Why? Because we have to chose to love Him back. He cannot force us to love Him, because foreced love is not real love, learned love is. But what's cool about that is, only we have to do the learning! God already knows how to love us unconditionally. You may say that's not fair, why would He force us to learn how to love Him? Honestly, I think that if we didn't have to learn how to love, then our existence would be pointless. There would be a permant void in our hearts. But Christians all over time have learned to love, and from learning that have discovred life. So the point of learning how to love IS our life purpose. So as we learn how to love God and come to understand He will always love us, we can also learn how to love people the way God loves us. Another cool thing about us having to learn how to love, yet knowing that God is love, is that if we mess up God is there to pick us right back up again. Humans can't say that for themselves. So often, if we wrong someone or someone has wronged us, we love that person a little less. God will never be that way. And I think He knew that when he created us. He knew we were all going to screw up love, but again, because He created us out of love, we will never lose that connection with Him. So as I struggle to "feel" love, I am learning that I first need to open up my heart fully to God and know that nothing I do will ever seperate me from Him, or make Him love me less. Growing up in a home where that message wasn't as clear as other homes has caused me to struggle with knowing for sure that God can love me no matter what.
I know I will continute to struggle letting people love me for the rest of my life, but I am learning pretty quickly that God will never lose that love He has for me. I think when I can fully understand that, letting other people love me will become more natural. But as I continue to learn this, I need to get off my butt and get more intentional with the people that already do love me...and actually let them love me instead of fighting it because of my own personal issue with love. By not getting intential with people and staying at home, I'm not allowing people to love me, and in turn not able to learn how to recieve their love so I can love them back. I will always love people like Christ...no matter what, but I need to start learning how to love people like humans love. Otherwise that intimacy I long for with humans will never fully develop. Having an intimate relationship with God is one thing, but having an intimate relationship with God's children is another thing. As as I said at the begining of this post, God intented us to love people, just like he intented us to love Him! Fighting love in those relationships is getting me nowhere, just like it's getting me nowhere to fight letting God love me. I pray that God will soften my heart and help me grow in this area...for my sake, for His sake, and for the sake of the people who really do care about me.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
1,814,400 seconds and counting
People say it takes 21 days to break a habit. That's 3 weeks. I have been thinking about that statement for a few days now, and I can't say I agree with it. Sure, I believe you can break a habit in 21 days...but I don't think it's a statement that can apply to every situation. (I'm about to get personal, which is something I don't do as often as I should in my blog. So bare with me, it may get sketchy.)
For me personally, today marks 21 days since I have quit smoking pot. I want to first and foremost thank God for this accomplishment. Without Him by my side I would have never made it this far. I also want to thank my friends for encouraging me and sticking by my side over these last few weeks. For the last 8 years of my life I have been addicted to pot, among other type of drugs. Over the years, I was able to knock the other drugs out of my life, but pot was a whole different story. I know some people will argue that you cannot be addicted to pot, but those people have obviously not smoked pot. I believe it can be very addictive. The dictionary defines addiction as "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming". For me, that definition describes the last 8 years of my life perfectly. That drug had me wrapped around it's fingers, and if we're being completely honest still does. Even though I haven't touched it in 21 days, I have wanted it every one of those days. I can't get my mind off of it. Like any other addiction it takes time. It's also going to be a daily struggle for the rest of my life.
I've been thinking a lot lately and realized a lot of things. It takes a lot of hard work to commit to anything. I have tried many times over the years to stop smoking, but every one of those times has been a failure. Honestly, I have a huge fear that I won't make it this time either. I've gone over 3 months before and fell back into the habit out of nowhere, so really 3 weeks in my head isn't that encouraging at all. But I feel like one of the key differences this time, is that I am confident God has my back.
James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." When James wrote this book, he didn't say if you face trials, he said whenever you face trials. I think this is important to note because everyone faces trials of some kind in their life. Some more difficult than others, but to the person facing the trial, it's a big deal. James is telling us that ANY trial you face is a good thing because you are allowing your character to grow through perseverance. So as I tackle this trial of trying to stop a powerful addiction in my life, I know that God has a plan through the struggle. James did not say that it was going to be easy, or even that it is supposed to be. He is telling us it is necessary to face trials in your life, but you need to have confidence that God will be right there by your side struggling with you and taking on your addiction as well. Honestly, that's a really comforting thought to know that God is taking on my addiction. It makes me feel like I'm not alone even when it appears I am.
Another thing I got to thinking about is that 21 days is a lot of minutes to someone who so desperately wants something. That's 1,814,400 seconds. A lot of days I wake up and think that just one hit wouldn't be so bad. But I have to force myself to say no. If I took even one hit, I'd be throwing away everything I worked for over the last 3 weeks. That's a butt load of work I don't desire to start over. Not only that, I would be letting myself, my friends, and more importantly God down if I gave in. I don't want to be that person that can't complete something they started. I can't give in. One of my biggest fears as I struggle with this is that if I fail this time, I won't have the strength to try and quit again. Now HAS to be the time, and I am determined to stick it out. I know that God has a plan in my life, and that plan does not involve me smoking pot. It does not glorify Him in any way, shape, or form. So I must do this...for myself and for God.
Something else that I've been thinking about is that it only takes 1 second to fall back into a habit. 1 second out of the 1,814,400 seconds and counting. How crazy is that to think about? I've worked so freaking hard to get this far this time, and it would only take 1 second to blow it all. What would that be saying about my character? It would say that I am weak, and it would say that I lack confidence in God's ability to get me through anything. As a Christian, I don't ever want to feel like God can't help me out. Sometimes it's not easy to trust God, but that doesn't mean I don't. But if I were to give in, I would be showing God and the rest of the world that I lack that confidence I so strongly desire to never lose.
Quiting has not been any easy thing for me. A lot of the people I am around still smoke, and let's be honest I want to join the fun. I sometimes feel like an outsider in my own group of friends because I'm not doing the same things they are doing. My friends respect my decision to quit, but that doesn't mean that I automatically get that connection back with them. Inside of me, I am still struggling to say "no" around them. Some days I choose to stay home because I know if I went out, I'd give in. Lately I've felt extremely lonely because I miss my old self. I know the person God is making me out to be is much better suited for Him, but that doesn't mean I don't miss what I once enjoyed everyday for the last 8 years of my life. That's almost half of my life. A lot of my identity has been formed inside the realms of this drug. From the opinions I have, to the friends I've formed, I feel like a part of me is missing. The bible calls this battling your flesh. And I tell you what, it's like world war 3 inside of myself lately. It's only by the grace of God that I am staying as strong as I am. Like I said above, everyday is a new struggle to say "no". But, everyday it is getting easier to rely on God to get me through. Notice I didn't say it's been getting easier to say no, it's just been easier to rely on God. I do expect that in time, the temptation will die down and I will no longer crave it, but I know that I will never be able to completely rid myself of the habit that still lives in my flesh.
Going through this struggle has made my relationship with God stronger than ever. I am being forced to rely on Him to get me through everyday. Because I fear that I will fail, I have stayed home and isolated myself from the world many days. I know this isn't the healthiest thing to do, but I feel like in some ways, it's completely necessary for me. But as I spend my days at home, I have been immersing myself in the Word and having plenty of time to sit with God. This time spent with God is allowing me to become more aware of Him in situations where I'm not at home, but with my friends. I have been learning to "hear" His voice speak to me, and learning to rely on Him more. This has been a beautiful thing honestly. I've been loving this extra time I'm having with God. Not only that, I've been allowing God to use me as a witness to my friends and family. Saying "no" is not easy, but other people around me have started to notice a change in me and have seen that I'm am more in tune with God. This encourages me so much because other people are able to see how strong and powerful God really is. In the past when I tried to quit, I tried doing it on my own and failed every time. But my friends and family have seen the difference this time now that I have God walking with me. Yes, it's only been 3 weeks and I've gone longer than that without God walking with me...BUT all those other times have not been this smooth, and they see that. Not only that, I'm not holding back the gospel like I have in the past. Before when people asked why I was quiting, I made up some excuse like I was trying to get a job or something. This time, I don't hesitate to tell anyone that I am doing this because I know it's what God wants me to be doing. HUGE difference, and like I said, people have noticed that. I am thankful that God is using me right now. And as James said, this trial should be a joy. Looking at it, as hard as it is to stop smoking, the joy I am receiving in Christ by sticking with it far outweighs ANY joy I ever felt while being high. So thank God for trials! Thank God!
For me personally, today marks 21 days since I have quit smoking pot. I want to first and foremost thank God for this accomplishment. Without Him by my side I would have never made it this far. I also want to thank my friends for encouraging me and sticking by my side over these last few weeks. For the last 8 years of my life I have been addicted to pot, among other type of drugs. Over the years, I was able to knock the other drugs out of my life, but pot was a whole different story. I know some people will argue that you cannot be addicted to pot, but those people have obviously not smoked pot. I believe it can be very addictive. The dictionary defines addiction as "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming". For me, that definition describes the last 8 years of my life perfectly. That drug had me wrapped around it's fingers, and if we're being completely honest still does. Even though I haven't touched it in 21 days, I have wanted it every one of those days. I can't get my mind off of it. Like any other addiction it takes time. It's also going to be a daily struggle for the rest of my life.
I've been thinking a lot lately and realized a lot of things. It takes a lot of hard work to commit to anything. I have tried many times over the years to stop smoking, but every one of those times has been a failure. Honestly, I have a huge fear that I won't make it this time either. I've gone over 3 months before and fell back into the habit out of nowhere, so really 3 weeks in my head isn't that encouraging at all. But I feel like one of the key differences this time, is that I am confident God has my back.
James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." When James wrote this book, he didn't say if you face trials, he said whenever you face trials. I think this is important to note because everyone faces trials of some kind in their life. Some more difficult than others, but to the person facing the trial, it's a big deal. James is telling us that ANY trial you face is a good thing because you are allowing your character to grow through perseverance. So as I tackle this trial of trying to stop a powerful addiction in my life, I know that God has a plan through the struggle. James did not say that it was going to be easy, or even that it is supposed to be. He is telling us it is necessary to face trials in your life, but you need to have confidence that God will be right there by your side struggling with you and taking on your addiction as well. Honestly, that's a really comforting thought to know that God is taking on my addiction. It makes me feel like I'm not alone even when it appears I am.
Another thing I got to thinking about is that 21 days is a lot of minutes to someone who so desperately wants something. That's 1,814,400 seconds. A lot of days I wake up and think that just one hit wouldn't be so bad. But I have to force myself to say no. If I took even one hit, I'd be throwing away everything I worked for over the last 3 weeks. That's a butt load of work I don't desire to start over. Not only that, I would be letting myself, my friends, and more importantly God down if I gave in. I don't want to be that person that can't complete something they started. I can't give in. One of my biggest fears as I struggle with this is that if I fail this time, I won't have the strength to try and quit again. Now HAS to be the time, and I am determined to stick it out. I know that God has a plan in my life, and that plan does not involve me smoking pot. It does not glorify Him in any way, shape, or form. So I must do this...for myself and for God.
Something else that I've been thinking about is that it only takes 1 second to fall back into a habit. 1 second out of the 1,814,400 seconds and counting. How crazy is that to think about? I've worked so freaking hard to get this far this time, and it would only take 1 second to blow it all. What would that be saying about my character? It would say that I am weak, and it would say that I lack confidence in God's ability to get me through anything. As a Christian, I don't ever want to feel like God can't help me out. Sometimes it's not easy to trust God, but that doesn't mean I don't. But if I were to give in, I would be showing God and the rest of the world that I lack that confidence I so strongly desire to never lose.
Quiting has not been any easy thing for me. A lot of the people I am around still smoke, and let's be honest I want to join the fun. I sometimes feel like an outsider in my own group of friends because I'm not doing the same things they are doing. My friends respect my decision to quit, but that doesn't mean that I automatically get that connection back with them. Inside of me, I am still struggling to say "no" around them. Some days I choose to stay home because I know if I went out, I'd give in. Lately I've felt extremely lonely because I miss my old self. I know the person God is making me out to be is much better suited for Him, but that doesn't mean I don't miss what I once enjoyed everyday for the last 8 years of my life. That's almost half of my life. A lot of my identity has been formed inside the realms of this drug. From the opinions I have, to the friends I've formed, I feel like a part of me is missing. The bible calls this battling your flesh. And I tell you what, it's like world war 3 inside of myself lately. It's only by the grace of God that I am staying as strong as I am. Like I said above, everyday is a new struggle to say "no". But, everyday it is getting easier to rely on God to get me through. Notice I didn't say it's been getting easier to say no, it's just been easier to rely on God. I do expect that in time, the temptation will die down and I will no longer crave it, but I know that I will never be able to completely rid myself of the habit that still lives in my flesh.
Going through this struggle has made my relationship with God stronger than ever. I am being forced to rely on Him to get me through everyday. Because I fear that I will fail, I have stayed home and isolated myself from the world many days. I know this isn't the healthiest thing to do, but I feel like in some ways, it's completely necessary for me. But as I spend my days at home, I have been immersing myself in the Word and having plenty of time to sit with God. This time spent with God is allowing me to become more aware of Him in situations where I'm not at home, but with my friends. I have been learning to "hear" His voice speak to me, and learning to rely on Him more. This has been a beautiful thing honestly. I've been loving this extra time I'm having with God. Not only that, I've been allowing God to use me as a witness to my friends and family. Saying "no" is not easy, but other people around me have started to notice a change in me and have seen that I'm am more in tune with God. This encourages me so much because other people are able to see how strong and powerful God really is. In the past when I tried to quit, I tried doing it on my own and failed every time. But my friends and family have seen the difference this time now that I have God walking with me. Yes, it's only been 3 weeks and I've gone longer than that without God walking with me...BUT all those other times have not been this smooth, and they see that. Not only that, I'm not holding back the gospel like I have in the past. Before when people asked why I was quiting, I made up some excuse like I was trying to get a job or something. This time, I don't hesitate to tell anyone that I am doing this because I know it's what God wants me to be doing. HUGE difference, and like I said, people have noticed that. I am thankful that God is using me right now. And as James said, this trial should be a joy. Looking at it, as hard as it is to stop smoking, the joy I am receiving in Christ by sticking with it far outweighs ANY joy I ever felt while being high. So thank God for trials! Thank God!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
One downfall of doubting
I've been jumping around in the bible a lot lately. It's all so good, I just can't decide where to plant myself for awhile! As I was in the book of James for the millionth time the other day, God showed me something I hadn't gotten out of it yet. For the record. I REALLY love that I can read and reread books in the bible and get something new every time! God is SO awesome! Anyways, back to what I was saying. James 1:5-6 says this, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. , because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." God wants to guide us in everything we do. but that isn't going to happen if we are doubting ourselves or doubting that He can do absolutely anything! I don't think that God gives us anything we ask him for, but I do think he gives us the things we need. If we ask God for something and he says no, then chances are you were asking Him for the wrong reasons. Our requests need to align with God's heart. What I just said definitely wasn't new news for me, but I struggle with it constantly.
But like I said above, I got something totally new out of reading this the other day! "But when he asks he must believe and not doubt" I think learning how to do this is VERY important if we want to truly find wisdom is God's word. No one can learn anything from God if their mind isn't fully prepared to listen. Instead, God wants us to submit to Him with everything we are...not just some of us. If I were to go and ask God for something, and not be fully submitted to what God wants me to hear, then I would walk away empty handed. Why? Because I would go in with the mindset that I can pick and choose what I want to hear. For example, if I go to God and ask him help me stop a bad habit and my mind is fully submitted to Him, then he will help me out because I truly believe what He is trying to tell me is what's best for me! But on the flip side, if I go and ask God to help me with a bad habit and not fully convinced that God can help me, then I am allowing my opinions and the opinions of the rest of the world to come into that conversation as well. By doing that, I would be treating God's advice like the advice of any other human being. It would be impossible for God to actually get through to me, because my mind would be clouded with other people telling me my habit isn't that bad. Even if I know in my heart it's not OK to be doing what I'm doing and I actually want God to help me, I would still be holding myself back because I'm doubting Him. We cannot treat God's word like we treat the words of humans. Every one of us are sinners and guaranteed to mess up. God is here to guide us because He has never sinned, and will never sin! We must go to God with full submission to truly hear what He is saying!
But like I said above, I got something totally new out of reading this the other day! "But when he asks he must believe and not doubt" I think learning how to do this is VERY important if we want to truly find wisdom is God's word. No one can learn anything from God if their mind isn't fully prepared to listen. Instead, God wants us to submit to Him with everything we are...not just some of us. If I were to go and ask God for something, and not be fully submitted to what God wants me to hear, then I would walk away empty handed. Why? Because I would go in with the mindset that I can pick and choose what I want to hear. For example, if I go to God and ask him help me stop a bad habit and my mind is fully submitted to Him, then he will help me out because I truly believe what He is trying to tell me is what's best for me! But on the flip side, if I go and ask God to help me with a bad habit and not fully convinced that God can help me, then I am allowing my opinions and the opinions of the rest of the world to come into that conversation as well. By doing that, I would be treating God's advice like the advice of any other human being. It would be impossible for God to actually get through to me, because my mind would be clouded with other people telling me my habit isn't that bad. Even if I know in my heart it's not OK to be doing what I'm doing and I actually want God to help me, I would still be holding myself back because I'm doubting Him. We cannot treat God's word like we treat the words of humans. Every one of us are sinners and guaranteed to mess up. God is here to guide us because He has never sinned, and will never sin! We must go to God with full submission to truly hear what He is saying!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
A few things I'm thankful for
I feel very compelled to talk about what I'm thankful for lately. Part of having a relationship with God is being able to thank Him as well as turn to Him in times of trouble. Lately I've been finding myself praising God through every situation, not just the bad ones. Sometimes when I'm struggling it's almost easier to turn to God because I have faith he will help me out. But often times I forget to praise Him when something awesome happens. Instead I end up taking the credit...which is prideful. I've been asking God to humble me lately, which has been going awesome. It's allowing me to become more aware of him working in my life. God wants to walk with me in every area of life, and learning how to better let him do that is great.
I'm very thankful for my friends. I lover every one of them and am so thankful for them in my life. Without friends to lean on, life would just be a wreck. We are able to lift each other up, have fun with each other, and all around do life with one another. God intended for us to do life with other people. The bible speaking about being a body with many parts. If I walked through life thinking I was the only working part to the body, then I would fail in a heartbeat. Allowing others to walk with me through my struggles and joys is what makes the body come together and work as one. I'm thankful that my friends are there for me whenever I need them, and on the flip side I am thankful I am able to be there for them. Going through life with friends is awesome. Praise God!
I am thankful for my family. For me, I feel like it's sometimes hard to relate to my family. But no matter what, I will always have their back, just like they will always have mine. Sure we fight, but we also love each other. Each member of my family holds a special place in my heart. At the end of the day, I'm glad I have the family that I do. Praise God!
I am thankful for the church. The church is like another family to me. I am thankful for the pastors at Fuel and the pastors at Vale church. Without those people, I would not be where I am today in terms of my faith. They pushed me to be a better person and to rely on God. I am thankful that when I was ready to walk away from my faith, they backed me up and stood next to me and never left me. They have been there in times of great joy and times of deep pain. Thank you for everything you have done! Praise God!
I am thankful for the small groups I have been in the last few semesters. Every one of those guys and gals have been amazing. It was and still is awesome to go on this journey with them and let them into my bubble. I am thankful that they are willing to share their lives with me and allow me into their bubbles. Small groups are awesome, and I am thankful for each one! Praise God!
I am thankful for the bible. God has given us his word to use everyday. How awesome is that?! The bible is great to turn to for any situation! I don't have room or time to say all the things I love about the bible. It's just awesome and I thank God for giving it to us! Praise God!
I am thankful for God. I could speak of days upon days about how amazing God is and how much I love him! Praise God!
I am thankful for having a home and cloths on my back. Life is not east sometimes, but it would be way harder if I didn't have these things. I can't believe how often I take things like food and cloths and a home for granted. How silly of me to do that. I'm thankful that God has provided me with more than what I need to survive. Praise God!
These are just a few things I am thankful for and I will continue to praise God everyday for the same things and different things! Praise God!
I'm very thankful for my friends. I lover every one of them and am so thankful for them in my life. Without friends to lean on, life would just be a wreck. We are able to lift each other up, have fun with each other, and all around do life with one another. God intended for us to do life with other people. The bible speaking about being a body with many parts. If I walked through life thinking I was the only working part to the body, then I would fail in a heartbeat. Allowing others to walk with me through my struggles and joys is what makes the body come together and work as one. I'm thankful that my friends are there for me whenever I need them, and on the flip side I am thankful I am able to be there for them. Going through life with friends is awesome. Praise God!
I am thankful for my family. For me, I feel like it's sometimes hard to relate to my family. But no matter what, I will always have their back, just like they will always have mine. Sure we fight, but we also love each other. Each member of my family holds a special place in my heart. At the end of the day, I'm glad I have the family that I do. Praise God!
I am thankful for the church. The church is like another family to me. I am thankful for the pastors at Fuel and the pastors at Vale church. Without those people, I would not be where I am today in terms of my faith. They pushed me to be a better person and to rely on God. I am thankful that when I was ready to walk away from my faith, they backed me up and stood next to me and never left me. They have been there in times of great joy and times of deep pain. Thank you for everything you have done! Praise God!
I am thankful for the small groups I have been in the last few semesters. Every one of those guys and gals have been amazing. It was and still is awesome to go on this journey with them and let them into my bubble. I am thankful that they are willing to share their lives with me and allow me into their bubbles. Small groups are awesome, and I am thankful for each one! Praise God!
I am thankful for the bible. God has given us his word to use everyday. How awesome is that?! The bible is great to turn to for any situation! I don't have room or time to say all the things I love about the bible. It's just awesome and I thank God for giving it to us! Praise God!
I am thankful for God. I could speak of days upon days about how amazing God is and how much I love him! Praise God!
I am thankful for having a home and cloths on my back. Life is not east sometimes, but it would be way harder if I didn't have these things. I can't believe how often I take things like food and cloths and a home for granted. How silly of me to do that. I'm thankful that God has provided me with more than what I need to survive. Praise God!
These are just a few things I am thankful for and I will continue to praise God everyday for the same things and different things! Praise God!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
A mini life lesson from God
So I had this realization the other day, and I thought I might share it here on the blog. I was thinking about smoking and drinking and things of that nature...the things that alter your perception of things. Then I got to thinking about God and what he thinks about all of that. So many people make the argument that God created these things so they can't be bad. Heck, I used to be one of those people that thought that. But as time has passed and my relationship with God has grown, I have come to think otherwise. God wants us to love him with everything we are....no matter what. (for the record, the bible does speak against things like drinking and smoking...but I'm not getting to that in this blog.) So anyway, as I was thinking about this I realized something; no one can love God with everything they are if they are not in a sober state. In theory, if you are high or drunk, then your brain is not functioning to it's fullest capability. If that is the case, then it would be impossible to love God with everything you are because your not yourself. I do think you can still love God and be high or drunk, but I don't think that you can do that and be right with God.
After that realization the desire to do anything that may alter my ability to love God has become non-existent. Yes temptation is still there, but even Jesus was tempted. Sin comes when we give into that temptation. So whenever I'm in a situation that is tempting me, I just turn to Jesus. I've been doing that a lot recently, and every time I turn to Jesus to get me through life, it just works out for the good. Opportunity is presented, and I feel great because I'm pleasing God...not other people. I am so thankful that God is there for anyone to turn to in both good times and bad times. He wants to help you, you just have to let him. How awesome is it that our creator wants to spend time with you and love you?!?! It's even more awesome that he loves you no matter what you do...even in sin. I am so thankful for love. And I'm thankful that God has put it on my heart to live my life for him!!! Praise God...with everything you are, praise Him!!!
After that realization the desire to do anything that may alter my ability to love God has become non-existent. Yes temptation is still there, but even Jesus was tempted. Sin comes when we give into that temptation. So whenever I'm in a situation that is tempting me, I just turn to Jesus. I've been doing that a lot recently, and every time I turn to Jesus to get me through life, it just works out for the good. Opportunity is presented, and I feel great because I'm pleasing God...not other people. I am so thankful that God is there for anyone to turn to in both good times and bad times. He wants to help you, you just have to let him. How awesome is it that our creator wants to spend time with you and love you?!?! It's even more awesome that he loves you no matter what you do...even in sin. I am so thankful for love. And I'm thankful that God has put it on my heart to live my life for him!!! Praise God...with everything you are, praise Him!!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
How I came to believe in God
Instead of taking you through the scriptures and sharing what I've been learning like I normally do, I've decided to go ahead and write about why I believe what I believe, and how I got there. I feel like I need to write this because most of the blogs I write are about God and I want you all to understand why I write about Him so much and the reasons why God means so much to me. So I guess I'll just get to it.
As a child I grew up in quite the home. Like most families, we carry a lot of baggage. I'm going to spare you all most of my family details because my goal right now isn't to get into that. I think I'll start in my high school days and go from there. Throughout my life, relating to people has always been a struggle for me. At home, I never really spoke unless I was spoken to, so making new friends wasn't that easy. I love people, but I just don't know how to relate to them most times. I've struggled with loneliness for as long as I can remember. I think because of some past childhood experiences, I had shut down and never really recovered from that. So once high school started, I constantly felt like I was on my own. Most days, it wasn't so bad because I live in my head and my thoughts normally keep me occupied. I also read a lot of books to give me something to do. Now, I'm not saying I didn't have friends...there have always been people surrounding me. But call me generic or whatever, I've always felt like that person who feels alone in a crowded place. So eventually, I started seeking something more. At the start of freshmen year, I found drugs. The drugs brought me a whole new set of friends, as well as this sudden burst of confidence that made me feel like I could conquer the world. I started to hang out with people more, and become this whole new person. And I loved it. I felt like I had gained respect from people. As the years went on, I jumped further and further into the drugs and found myself using everyday, all day. I became very unhappy when I wasn't using and that made me use even more. Lets just say it got out of control. I also started to feel like I needed the drugs to eat, sleep, and basically function properly. The thoughts that once comforted me, started to really effect me negatively because the drugs altered them. Then around my junior year, the drugs suddenly weren't enough. I felt like I needed some real substance to my life and I started to feel like there was something else out there...something bigger than myself, but I couldn't pinpoint it. I just knew it was big. Eventually, I found philosophy...or rather philosophy found me.
Let's back up really fast to the lunchroom my sophomore year. At my old high school, teachers patrolled the lunchrooms to keep the peace and make sure students weren't being too rambunctious. One day, one of the teachers in the lunchroom overheard someone addressing me by the name "Giese" When he heard that he came and introduced himself. He told me he had my brother in his class a few years back. I learned that he was an English teacher and taught the class I had planned on taking. I also noticed the way he interacted with students. He seemed to genuinely care about people and love them. I have always been drawn to those kind of people, so that confirmed my decision to take his class. I don't remember too much about that class, but I really liked the teacher and decided to take the philosophy class he also taught. I had no clue that class would change my life. Philosophy was exactly what I was looking for. It was deep and made me want to study more and more of it. I even studied it on my own time and eventually got to a point that I could hold my own in a debate. Not only that, because a lot of philosophy is about explaining who we are and how we came to be, I was able to relate it to other subjects...especially Science. Our teacher loved to bash science, so one day we got into a discussion about the Big Bang Theory. We talked about it's faults in explaining creationism to us and the question was posed, "What put those two atoms into motion?" That question blew my mind. Science can't explain how those two atoms were able to collide. Simply put, the laws of science tell us there has to be an energy source for kinetic energy to even happen. Since science can't tell me how that happened to make it possible for those atoms to move, I took it upon myself to find out why. I HAD to know why. I came to the conclusion that something bigger had to make that happen.
As I started to study more, I began asking my teacher questions about God. I found out he sponsored a bible study every Friday morning that was lead by Young Life and he invited me to come check it out. (For the record, I am really thankful that he was willing to discuss God with me because the law says teachers can't really talk about God with students.) Now, I have grown up in the church my entire life so I was already pretty familiar with the bible. I just never really took it, or religion and God to seriously. But now I had a reason too...I HAD to find out the truth and why science couldn't tell me how I got here even though it claims be to able to prove basically everything. My teacher invited me to the church he goes to and I went...once. The group of friends I had weren't interested in God, and lets be honest I wasn't either. I just wanted to know how I got here and WHY I was here. I was also still way more interested in drugs than being religious. I was under the impression you couldn't have drugs and religion, so I chose drugs instead. Because of that choice, I distanced myself from the church and just studied on my own time. I still went to the bible study every Friday morning, and even some other bible studies, but just to ask questions and challenge people. Even though I wasn't really interested in the religion, I was learning a great deal and it was very interesting and made me want to study more. To not make this too long, I will try and sum up what I learned as the years have passed since that first philosophy class.
As I thought about it a lot, I came to the conclusion that if science couldn't tell me how I got here, then something bigger had to exist. I was determined to find out what, and through my studies, the bible seemed to hold the most logical answer. It explained that God created us, and he did it out of love. As I thought about that more it made complete sense. Sorry if this next part is hard to follow, but it makes perfect sense to me, and I hope it does to you as well. Every human being is able to feel love...and does. If every one of us is able to feel love, then love has to be significant. And since love is not a tangible thing, there is no possible way science would even be able to touch that. So if love didn't come from the earth, then something had to "create" love. Love would also not exist if we didn't exist, because love is unique to our species. You could argue that animals feel love like we do, but animals also kill their young to survive and would leave another one of the same species in a heartbeat if in danger. Humans don't do that. Since no one can explain how "love" came to be, then something else must be able to. Another thing that struck me about science is that it can't explain how life started. Again, if you can't explain how the Big Bang Theory started, then you certainly can't tell me you know how we came to be. Most of us are aware that the body itself is just flesh, organs, and the rest of what goes in there. But none of what's in the body can explain how that happened in the first place. But the bible sure can. And I believe the bible can because the earth exists. If that blasted theory can't explain logically how the earth came to be, then something bigger must have created it. Now, if something bigger created the earth, then it would definitely be possible for that same something to create something as complex as the human body. And since I do believe that it was God that created the body and human life, I also believe that this being can do ANYTHING. So fast forward to Jesus' time. Assuming everything I just said above is correct, then wouldn't it be possible for God to come down in human form? I mean, he did create us after all. So if it is possible for Him to come down in human form, then is it not also possible for Him to die and then come back from the dead?? I think it is. If that's possible, then why wouldn't God be able to come inside of us in a different form...the Holy Spirit. I think this is important because every person at one time or another has thought about something bigger than themselves existing. Religion was there before Jesus' came, so that means even back then people were searching for an answer. I feel like the fact that a man came down, died, and then rose again...and had witnesses, would be total proof of God himself existing. And the fact that more than one religious book speaks about Jesus and the miracles he preformed...miracles that science can't explain, is added proof of his validity as our creator. And the unique thing about Christianity is that we don't have to DO anything to gain the love of our creator...we just have to accept he created us and died in human form for us and our sin. Which brings me back to love. Love ties everything together, because God created us out of love, gave us the ability to love, died to prove ultimately love exists, and then gave us that love back in the form of the Holy Spirit so we can experience it today, even after the death of Jesus Christ. Even if your not a Christian, you still exist somehow. If all that happened, which I believe it did because we are here today, then I also think it is possible to live and be able to rely on my creator. The fact that I am alive is proof to me that God exists. And again sorry to repeat myself, but if I exist then that means that God must have created me...which means he created you, and everything else that we experience. And since I can't deny that I exist, then God must. If he exists then he also made it possible to feel and think and do everything else we humans can do. And since we live on the earth that must mean he created that to because we breath the air and live on such a complex planet that allows us to sustain life. And again, because the Big Bang Theory can't explain how that came to be, then Gd must have done that too. Pretty cool, huh?
Because of all of that I think that it is important to live and love for my creator. Why would I not...I mean He is the one that allows me to be here and love in the first place. And because when a loved one dies the only thing that is left here on Earth for us is the memories and the love we still hold for that person, I think loving others is important. Realistically, even if you live your life as a loving person but never accepted God as your savior and creator, you still lived and loved which means without knowing it, you accepted that God exists because love does. The cool thing about God is that he gives EVERYONE a chance to love him...even after death!! So I guess there you have it. This is why I believe what I do and how I got there.
Since then I have gotten rid of the drug use in my life and have fully devoted my life to living for the God that created me! The road is not easy, but then again life isn't supposed to be easy. Living for God gives me purpose though and I think that counts for something.
As a child I grew up in quite the home. Like most families, we carry a lot of baggage. I'm going to spare you all most of my family details because my goal right now isn't to get into that. I think I'll start in my high school days and go from there. Throughout my life, relating to people has always been a struggle for me. At home, I never really spoke unless I was spoken to, so making new friends wasn't that easy. I love people, but I just don't know how to relate to them most times. I've struggled with loneliness for as long as I can remember. I think because of some past childhood experiences, I had shut down and never really recovered from that. So once high school started, I constantly felt like I was on my own. Most days, it wasn't so bad because I live in my head and my thoughts normally keep me occupied. I also read a lot of books to give me something to do. Now, I'm not saying I didn't have friends...there have always been people surrounding me. But call me generic or whatever, I've always felt like that person who feels alone in a crowded place. So eventually, I started seeking something more. At the start of freshmen year, I found drugs. The drugs brought me a whole new set of friends, as well as this sudden burst of confidence that made me feel like I could conquer the world. I started to hang out with people more, and become this whole new person. And I loved it. I felt like I had gained respect from people. As the years went on, I jumped further and further into the drugs and found myself using everyday, all day. I became very unhappy when I wasn't using and that made me use even more. Lets just say it got out of control. I also started to feel like I needed the drugs to eat, sleep, and basically function properly. The thoughts that once comforted me, started to really effect me negatively because the drugs altered them. Then around my junior year, the drugs suddenly weren't enough. I felt like I needed some real substance to my life and I started to feel like there was something else out there...something bigger than myself, but I couldn't pinpoint it. I just knew it was big. Eventually, I found philosophy...or rather philosophy found me.
Let's back up really fast to the lunchroom my sophomore year. At my old high school, teachers patrolled the lunchrooms to keep the peace and make sure students weren't being too rambunctious. One day, one of the teachers in the lunchroom overheard someone addressing me by the name "Giese" When he heard that he came and introduced himself. He told me he had my brother in his class a few years back. I learned that he was an English teacher and taught the class I had planned on taking. I also noticed the way he interacted with students. He seemed to genuinely care about people and love them. I have always been drawn to those kind of people, so that confirmed my decision to take his class. I don't remember too much about that class, but I really liked the teacher and decided to take the philosophy class he also taught. I had no clue that class would change my life. Philosophy was exactly what I was looking for. It was deep and made me want to study more and more of it. I even studied it on my own time and eventually got to a point that I could hold my own in a debate. Not only that, because a lot of philosophy is about explaining who we are and how we came to be, I was able to relate it to other subjects...especially Science. Our teacher loved to bash science, so one day we got into a discussion about the Big Bang Theory. We talked about it's faults in explaining creationism to us and the question was posed, "What put those two atoms into motion?" That question blew my mind. Science can't explain how those two atoms were able to collide. Simply put, the laws of science tell us there has to be an energy source for kinetic energy to even happen. Since science can't tell me how that happened to make it possible for those atoms to move, I took it upon myself to find out why. I HAD to know why. I came to the conclusion that something bigger had to make that happen.
As I started to study more, I began asking my teacher questions about God. I found out he sponsored a bible study every Friday morning that was lead by Young Life and he invited me to come check it out. (For the record, I am really thankful that he was willing to discuss God with me because the law says teachers can't really talk about God with students.) Now, I have grown up in the church my entire life so I was already pretty familiar with the bible. I just never really took it, or religion and God to seriously. But now I had a reason too...I HAD to find out the truth and why science couldn't tell me how I got here even though it claims be to able to prove basically everything. My teacher invited me to the church he goes to and I went...once. The group of friends I had weren't interested in God, and lets be honest I wasn't either. I just wanted to know how I got here and WHY I was here. I was also still way more interested in drugs than being religious. I was under the impression you couldn't have drugs and religion, so I chose drugs instead. Because of that choice, I distanced myself from the church and just studied on my own time. I still went to the bible study every Friday morning, and even some other bible studies, but just to ask questions and challenge people. Even though I wasn't really interested in the religion, I was learning a great deal and it was very interesting and made me want to study more. To not make this too long, I will try and sum up what I learned as the years have passed since that first philosophy class.
As I thought about it a lot, I came to the conclusion that if science couldn't tell me how I got here, then something bigger had to exist. I was determined to find out what, and through my studies, the bible seemed to hold the most logical answer. It explained that God created us, and he did it out of love. As I thought about that more it made complete sense. Sorry if this next part is hard to follow, but it makes perfect sense to me, and I hope it does to you as well. Every human being is able to feel love...and does. If every one of us is able to feel love, then love has to be significant. And since love is not a tangible thing, there is no possible way science would even be able to touch that. So if love didn't come from the earth, then something had to "create" love. Love would also not exist if we didn't exist, because love is unique to our species. You could argue that animals feel love like we do, but animals also kill their young to survive and would leave another one of the same species in a heartbeat if in danger. Humans don't do that. Since no one can explain how "love" came to be, then something else must be able to. Another thing that struck me about science is that it can't explain how life started. Again, if you can't explain how the Big Bang Theory started, then you certainly can't tell me you know how we came to be. Most of us are aware that the body itself is just flesh, organs, and the rest of what goes in there. But none of what's in the body can explain how that happened in the first place. But the bible sure can. And I believe the bible can because the earth exists. If that blasted theory can't explain logically how the earth came to be, then something bigger must have created it. Now, if something bigger created the earth, then it would definitely be possible for that same something to create something as complex as the human body. And since I do believe that it was God that created the body and human life, I also believe that this being can do ANYTHING. So fast forward to Jesus' time. Assuming everything I just said above is correct, then wouldn't it be possible for God to come down in human form? I mean, he did create us after all. So if it is possible for Him to come down in human form, then is it not also possible for Him to die and then come back from the dead?? I think it is. If that's possible, then why wouldn't God be able to come inside of us in a different form...the Holy Spirit. I think this is important because every person at one time or another has thought about something bigger than themselves existing. Religion was there before Jesus' came, so that means even back then people were searching for an answer. I feel like the fact that a man came down, died, and then rose again...and had witnesses, would be total proof of God himself existing. And the fact that more than one religious book speaks about Jesus and the miracles he preformed...miracles that science can't explain, is added proof of his validity as our creator. And the unique thing about Christianity is that we don't have to DO anything to gain the love of our creator...we just have to accept he created us and died in human form for us and our sin. Which brings me back to love. Love ties everything together, because God created us out of love, gave us the ability to love, died to prove ultimately love exists, and then gave us that love back in the form of the Holy Spirit so we can experience it today, even after the death of Jesus Christ. Even if your not a Christian, you still exist somehow. If all that happened, which I believe it did because we are here today, then I also think it is possible to live and be able to rely on my creator. The fact that I am alive is proof to me that God exists. And again sorry to repeat myself, but if I exist then that means that God must have created me...which means he created you, and everything else that we experience. And since I can't deny that I exist, then God must. If he exists then he also made it possible to feel and think and do everything else we humans can do. And since we live on the earth that must mean he created that to because we breath the air and live on such a complex planet that allows us to sustain life. And again, because the Big Bang Theory can't explain how that came to be, then Gd must have done that too. Pretty cool, huh?
Because of all of that I think that it is important to live and love for my creator. Why would I not...I mean He is the one that allows me to be here and love in the first place. And because when a loved one dies the only thing that is left here on Earth for us is the memories and the love we still hold for that person, I think loving others is important. Realistically, even if you live your life as a loving person but never accepted God as your savior and creator, you still lived and loved which means without knowing it, you accepted that God exists because love does. The cool thing about God is that he gives EVERYONE a chance to love him...even after death!! So I guess there you have it. This is why I believe what I do and how I got there.
Since then I have gotten rid of the drug use in my life and have fully devoted my life to living for the God that created me! The road is not easy, but then again life isn't supposed to be easy. Living for God gives me purpose though and I think that counts for something.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Fear: Friend or Foe?
In John Mayer's song, "The Heart of Life" he says, "Fear is a friend who's misunderstood. But I know the heart of life is good." (go listen to it. seriously.) Now, I'm no expert, and certainly not the best interpreter of songs and poems, but to me this song has a very biblical message. When I listen to this song, the "heart of life" is referring to God. Which got me to thinking more about the line "Fear is a friend who's misunderstood", and who we should be living for.
Most people don't think fear is a good thing. I'd like to think differently. The bible talks a lot about fearing both man and God. Fear of man consists of things like peer pressure, co-dependency, jealousy, or trying to please people. On the other hand, the fear of God is simply understanding and being aware of His approval or disapproval. So who should we be afraid of? The bible says we should fear God. Proverbs 29:25 says, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." If you walk around worrying about what the guy next to you thinks, then realistically your heart isn't following God. Instead, you are trying to please man. But pleasing man isn't always a good thing. Yes it's nice to do the dishes for your parents or offer to help someone across the street, but on a deeper level we should be thinking about the reason why we are offering our services. Is it because you want praise from your parents or to win an award? If it is, then your motives are wrong. God wants our actions to glorify Him, not the people in your life. John 12:42-43 says, "Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved praise from men more than praise from God."
It's so easy to want to please the people around us because God isn't there to give his approval. Not only that, the feeling of rejection hurts. A lot of people want the Christian status, but don't have a desire to live it out because that means being different and living different. Sometimes the only time we are able to tell someone is even a Christian is because we see them in a church. The problem is, a lot of us forget that Jesus lives in us. That means everything we do should be for Him...not just everything we do on Sunday. If you live one way on Sunday, and then the rest of the week you live how you want, it won't go unnoticed by the people around you. That has huge potential to bring people away from the real gospel. Galatians 2:11-21 addresses this issue. Peter, a follower of Jesus and a teacher in the Church, acted like a hypocrite in front of Paul and James out of fear of what they, as well as the others around, might think of him. When Paul witnessed this, he called him out in front of everyone then and there. Honestly, it's rather encouraging to read about this event. It shows us that even Christians get caught in the trap of fearing men. It also shows us that it is important to speak up if you witness this occurring. Had Paul not spoken up, people would have been led astray. Galatians 2:20-21 tell us this, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" The world around us influences us so much. But putting your faith and trust in God, not men, will prove to be worth it in the end. Honestly if you have no desire to live like Christ after accepting him as your savior, then accepting him in the first place was useless. God calls us to live a certain way. It may be hard, but nothing worth it is easy.
In my own life this is a constant struggle. A lot of my friends are not Christians. When I go to hang out with them, it's really hard to not engage in the activities they are doing. About a week ago, I made the decision to separate myself for good from these activities and it has been SO hard! I don't want my friends to think I am weird or to uptight for them. I also don't like it when they tell me "it's no big deal, you can still love God and do it." What they don't understand is that it's not that easy. Every time I hung out and gave in, I walked away feeling ashamed. Ashamed at myself for giving in, and most of all ashamed at what God thought of me. I thought that he couldn't possibly love me because I was intentionally sinning. I felt absolutely awful that I had told my friends about God and my reasons for quiting, and then went and did it anyways. What would God think? And then the feelings of guilt and shame set in. This "feeling" is the fear of God. I became very aware of what was right and what was wrong in His eyes. And to my surprise, my desire to quit became so much stronger. Not because of what my friends thought, but because I didn't want to disappoint God any longer. I won't sit here and tell you that I don't think about giving in every day, but I will say that the feeling I get when I do give in is one of the most awful feelings in the world! The fear of God is what should drive me, not the fear of man. I feel like learning this the hard way is making my faith in God much stronger. I'm being forced to rely on Him in literally every situation so I don't make the decision I want to make. As I continue to learn more about fearing God, it is becoming evident that in order to escape fear, you need to learn how to fear. Getting through life is going to seem a lot harder than it should if man is holding you back. God wants to lead you. I feel like learning how to fear God is a great place to start!
Most people don't think fear is a good thing. I'd like to think differently. The bible talks a lot about fearing both man and God. Fear of man consists of things like peer pressure, co-dependency, jealousy, or trying to please people. On the other hand, the fear of God is simply understanding and being aware of His approval or disapproval. So who should we be afraid of? The bible says we should fear God. Proverbs 29:25 says, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." If you walk around worrying about what the guy next to you thinks, then realistically your heart isn't following God. Instead, you are trying to please man. But pleasing man isn't always a good thing. Yes it's nice to do the dishes for your parents or offer to help someone across the street, but on a deeper level we should be thinking about the reason why we are offering our services. Is it because you want praise from your parents or to win an award? If it is, then your motives are wrong. God wants our actions to glorify Him, not the people in your life. John 12:42-43 says, "Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved praise from men more than praise from God."
It's so easy to want to please the people around us because God isn't there to give his approval. Not only that, the feeling of rejection hurts. A lot of people want the Christian status, but don't have a desire to live it out because that means being different and living different. Sometimes the only time we are able to tell someone is even a Christian is because we see them in a church. The problem is, a lot of us forget that Jesus lives in us. That means everything we do should be for Him...not just everything we do on Sunday. If you live one way on Sunday, and then the rest of the week you live how you want, it won't go unnoticed by the people around you. That has huge potential to bring people away from the real gospel. Galatians 2:11-21 addresses this issue. Peter, a follower of Jesus and a teacher in the Church, acted like a hypocrite in front of Paul and James out of fear of what they, as well as the others around, might think of him. When Paul witnessed this, he called him out in front of everyone then and there. Honestly, it's rather encouraging to read about this event. It shows us that even Christians get caught in the trap of fearing men. It also shows us that it is important to speak up if you witness this occurring. Had Paul not spoken up, people would have been led astray. Galatians 2:20-21 tell us this, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" The world around us influences us so much. But putting your faith and trust in God, not men, will prove to be worth it in the end. Honestly if you have no desire to live like Christ after accepting him as your savior, then accepting him in the first place was useless. God calls us to live a certain way. It may be hard, but nothing worth it is easy.
In my own life this is a constant struggle. A lot of my friends are not Christians. When I go to hang out with them, it's really hard to not engage in the activities they are doing. About a week ago, I made the decision to separate myself for good from these activities and it has been SO hard! I don't want my friends to think I am weird or to uptight for them. I also don't like it when they tell me "it's no big deal, you can still love God and do it." What they don't understand is that it's not that easy. Every time I hung out and gave in, I walked away feeling ashamed. Ashamed at myself for giving in, and most of all ashamed at what God thought of me. I thought that he couldn't possibly love me because I was intentionally sinning. I felt absolutely awful that I had told my friends about God and my reasons for quiting, and then went and did it anyways. What would God think? And then the feelings of guilt and shame set in. This "feeling" is the fear of God. I became very aware of what was right and what was wrong in His eyes. And to my surprise, my desire to quit became so much stronger. Not because of what my friends thought, but because I didn't want to disappoint God any longer. I won't sit here and tell you that I don't think about giving in every day, but I will say that the feeling I get when I do give in is one of the most awful feelings in the world! The fear of God is what should drive me, not the fear of man. I feel like learning this the hard way is making my faith in God much stronger. I'm being forced to rely on Him in literally every situation so I don't make the decision I want to make. As I continue to learn more about fearing God, it is becoming evident that in order to escape fear, you need to learn how to fear. Getting through life is going to seem a lot harder than it should if man is holding you back. God wants to lead you. I feel like learning how to fear God is a great place to start!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Thank God for boredom
With the recent snowfall, I've been reminded of a lot of things. The first thing I've been reminded of is how much I hate the snow. I know most people have a dislike for snow, but for me, nothing is the world is more obnoxious than snow...except for spiders and people who can't seem to be honest and straight forward with other people. The snow is cold, dangerous, and to be honest not that pretty. On a side note, I will go on a limb and say that ice covered trees are so freaking beautiful. (maybe one of the only things kind of cool about the cold?) But honestly, the thing I hate the most about the snow, is that every year it has potential to ruin so many lives. As the daughter of a dad who has to go plow this crap...I'm one of those potential people. Every inch has potential to wreck a lot of beautiful things. Homeless people are also on my heart in times like this. My hope is that Christians and kind-hearted people around every community effected by snow would do everything they can to help those in need of some heat. So far it's been really awesome reading posts of people helping others, as well as watching my neighbors step up to help each other shovel their drives. At risk of contradicting everything I've said above, I'm pretty happy that snow has potential to bring people together.
Another thing the snow has reminded me of, is how much I hate being bored. ...it's awesome. But seriously, being stuck inside (because my front door won't open, and even if it did there is still foot after foot of snow to get through to go anywhere...not worth it) has been so annoying. Most of you that know me, also know I'm not content sitting still for hours. Thanks to the snow, I've been spending a lot of time sitting still. So far, I can't say I'm to excited about it. My head hasn't stopped racing, and the anxiety levels are creepin. I simply don't know what to do with myself. The computer just isn't that fun, and watching random TV blows. The only good that has come out of me being forced to sit has been the amount of time I've been spending with God. Honestly, as much as I hate sitting, this time has been really good for me. I LOVE studying the bible, so having more time to do that has been awesome. I've been more aware of His presence in me the last day or so. SO freaking comforting. It's been helping me rely on God for substance in my life. So often when I get bored I sleep. But becoming aware of my boredom and giving it to God is totally fulfilling. I can hear him much more clearly in all the silence. Thank God for boredom. :)
Another thing the snow has reminded me of, is how much I hate being bored. ...it's awesome. But seriously, being stuck inside (because my front door won't open, and even if it did there is still foot after foot of snow to get through to go anywhere...not worth it) has been so annoying. Most of you that know me, also know I'm not content sitting still for hours. Thanks to the snow, I've been spending a lot of time sitting still. So far, I can't say I'm to excited about it. My head hasn't stopped racing, and the anxiety levels are creepin. I simply don't know what to do with myself. The computer just isn't that fun, and watching random TV blows. The only good that has come out of me being forced to sit has been the amount of time I've been spending with God. Honestly, as much as I hate sitting, this time has been really good for me. I LOVE studying the bible, so having more time to do that has been awesome. I've been more aware of His presence in me the last day or so. SO freaking comforting. It's been helping me rely on God for substance in my life. So often when I get bored I sleep. But becoming aware of my boredom and giving it to God is totally fulfilling. I can hear him much more clearly in all the silence. Thank God for boredom. :)
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