I've been pretty distant from my blog lately, because honestly I don't know what to write. I don't feel like I have anything important to say, or any "words of wisdom" to share. Life is funny like that. One minute you can't wait to shout from a mountain top the things you've been learning, and other times you want nothing more than to hide out from the world until the clouds pass over. Just like some people are effected by the changes in the weather, I'm being effected by the changing seasons in my own life. Learning how to deal with the different obstacle's life presents isn't easy to do. When you try and do it yourself, like I've been doing, it becomes a million times harder. Guilt is a trap. It feeds your mind bullshit and convinces you that you're on your own. It makes you feel like no one else could possibly understand exactly what you're going through because It tells you that "you are different". The truth of the matter is, is that God is bigger than all of that crap. If the truth is so easy to see, then why is it so hard to follow? I'm in a place where the lies seem more believable than the truth, and I don't know how to escape. I feel vulnerable and helpless. I wish God was here to have a conversation with so someone could know exactly how I feel. I'm frustrated with myself for not being strong enough to get through this on my own. I'm more frustrated that going to church doesn't seem to help. Why doesn't it feel like God is helping me? Trust? What am I doing wrong, and how do I make it right. When I first came to Jesus I felt like I was on top of the world. Now I feel like I'm right back in it. I don't think I'm strong enough to make the decisions I need to make on my own in order to get to a place where I can feel content. I know what needs to be done, but I'm lacking the confidence it's the right choice for me...or if it's really going to make a difference.
so that's that. word vomit is all I got.
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