I'm a snail on the shore of a salty river

I have a commitment problem. Wow. What a way to start out a blog. So. Commitment. Committing to things for me is like a snail committing to cross a river of salt. I'm walking into the situations assuming the worst. It's not that I don't want to commit to things, it's that I'm scared to. Besides spiders, failure is my biggest fear. Because I've failed at so many other things I've committed to going, I've got it in my head that the next time I decide to commit to something it's not going to turn out well. This is the case when it comes to my commitment to follow Christ. I made a commitment to follow Him when I was baptised, and so far I believe I've failed. He has called me to be a different person, but the things He wants me to do in order to become that person seem impossible. I'm going to be completely honest here and say that I haven't really tried as much as I should because of my fear of the unknown. Letting go of fears means I would have to fully rely on God and no longer rely on myself, my pride, and other people. every step of this is so hard! I've struggled with being a failure my entire life, and part of me doesn't want to accept the mission. BUT...I know what God has called me to do, and it recently occurred to me that I don't want to let God down. I've been terrified of letting people down all my life, but I've never been concerned with letting God down. In the past I've taken leaps of faith and trusted God, but when I failed I only thought about what other people thought of me. I wasn't concerned with the fact that God had to be hurting, or the fact that I had never really trusted Him in the first place. I need to stop relying on people and start relying on God. I need to focus on what God is thinking and not sit around and wait for Him to do the work. I have to actually try though in order to trust God. I have to have faith and break down my pride. I think God would be more disappointed that I didn't listen to his clear calling, rather than not get the job done right the first time. I'm still scared to take the first step because I don't think I'm ready. But I suppose I need to seriously think about taking that step, because if I never do, then how am I supposed to change anything?