While riding on the constitution trail the other day, I passed an older man riding his bike in the opposite direction I was going. As we approached each other a huge smile grew on his face. It was almost like we had known each other for years and he was just greeting an old friend. We both waved with big smiles and continued in our own direction. After we passed one another, my mind began to race. I started to think about the direction I wanted to take my own life. I couldn't help but wonder about the direction this man had taken his life. Why was he so excited to be outside? Why was he so happy in general? I see so many elderly folks that look so sad, almost like they are constantly thinking about the things they regretted doing or not doing throughout their lifetime. But this man seemed to be perfectly content on his bike enjoying the weather. I wondered if he was so content because he allowed God to lead his life? I thought about the elderly people I come into contact with in my own life. Some of them know God, and they are the happiest people I know. Others don't have a relationship with God and they just seem unhappy to be alive still. And then I thought about what I'm going to be like at an old age. I find myself thinking about that a lot actually. I wonder if I'm going to be proud of who I'm going to be in 60 years. Will other people be proud of me? When I die, will there be 1,000 people at my funeral, or just my family. What things will they say about me? Was I selfish, or did I go out of my way to make sure God was glorified in the things I did? Will my family think that I could have been around more? Did I let other people around me compromise my character?
As I thought about these things, my mind started to race. I found myself hoping that one day I can be like the old man I saw on my bike. I want to be 60 and still be able to enjoy a bike ride. I want to be able to say that I'm happy, and actually mean it. I want to have a family that loves me and I want to love my family in return. I want to be able to say that I listened to God and let him lead me. I want to retire from a job that I love doing, not from a job that puts more food on the table than I need. I really want to be able to tell my grandchildren about God. I want to become "that" grandma...that one that has her hands raised in the air at church and quotes scripture from memory on a daily basis. I want to tell them with confidence that God is faithful, but you have to trust Him. I want to let them know that you're never too young or too old to let God teach you something, and never to frail to be used by God. When I'm that age, I simply want to know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and that it was God who lead me there, not myself.
I don't want to be 60 and grumpy. I want to be that jolly old lady who loves Jesus, family, and cats. When I passed that man on the trail it hit me that if I want to be that happy when I'm his age, I have to start now. At this point in my life, I constantly feel like I don't know who I am, or who I'm supposed to become. What I do know for sure, is that God is trying to lead me. The man on the bike reminded me that we are all on the same trail, but we are all traveling at different speeds and in different directions. The other people on the trail can help me and encourage me, but it's ultimately up to me to end up at the right destination. This means that I have to start trusting God and stop losing faith when it's taking longer than I want to get over a particular hill on the trail. God is always going to be here for me, but I don't always see that at the time. I look at other people and think that I should be going as fast as them or I think that the direction they are moving in seems easier than where I'm going. When I do that, I end up thinking where I'm at isn't good enough. That's actually not the case at all though. I'm just looking to other people to guide me and direct me instead of looking to God to direct me. If I tried to keep up with the biker who is going twice as fast as me, then eventually I would end up holding him back or falling behind. And if I tried to keep the slower pace the old man was going, I'd end up passing him and he would end up holding me back. But if I were to try and keep up with God it's be simple because He is going at my pace. I don't have to race to catch up to Him and I don't have to slow down to let Him catch up with me. God has always been, and will always be right there beside me helping me and pushing me when I don't think I can go another inch. I have to learn to let go of other people and hold on to God with everything I am. If I want the happiness I saw in that old man, I need to learn to rely on God, not others around me. I'm not any of those people on the trail. I am me. And the direction and speed I am going is what's best for me, not them. God made the trail big enough for everyone so we can encourage one another while we're on it, but ultimately He is the one who made it so He is the only one who can lead us in the direction it was intended to go. I think that the trail has a bunch of different ways to get to the end, but I think that only God knows the right path for each individual to get there. Having faith and trusting God is the only way to know for sure if the path I'm on is right. If I step off the trail for a minute or turn myself around at the wrong point, I know that God will let me know and help guide me back in the right direction. I'm only 21. I have awhile until I'm 60 and content. Until then, I want to keep learning how to let God get me there. I don't want to keep thinking that I will never have the happiness that old man has any longer. I want to learn how to be content with the direction God is taking me now and stop thinking about what could be in my future. If I can continue to take leaps on faith now, and trust God and not people, then I don't think that my future is going to have a problem. My future will have a problem though, if I continue to look at were other people are at and think I can't get there. God will get me there on His own time. My job is to follow Him even when I feel discouraged, and let Him get me there.
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