In a past blog I mentioned the idea that God gave us time to appreciate eternity more. Basically, we have to live in order to choose Love and fully appreciate the sacrifice made on the cross. But I'd like to take that thought in a different direction for a minute. As I was thinking about us and the world and how it's necessary for us to be in the world to appreciate it, I started to think about my identity. Who IS Sarah Giese? The bible tells me that I am God's child, but the bible also talks about how the world trys to destroy who I am in Christ. Lately, that couldn't be more true. Over the last few weeks I have been feeling really crappy about who I am. I've been questioning my self worth and doubting my abilities to be the person I know Christ has called me to be. God has been speaking to me very clearly through some people...more clear than I've EVER heard Him. But instead of listening to Him, I have been fighting to try to prove to Him and everyone else I can get to where I need to be on my own. Fighting who Christ wants me to be has only made this identity crisis worse. For some reason I've got it in my head that it should be easy to know who I am in Christ and live that out. And when things don't go how I think they should, I get very angry at myself for failing at being a better person. Basically, my pride needs serious adjustment. I get way to caught up in what the world thinks of me instead of what Christ thinks of me. I have this idea that because I'm not "perfect" in the eyes of the world, I could never be perfect in the eyes of God. This brings me back to that idea of the necessity of living on earth in order to appreciate eternity more. As I was thinking more about this idea it occurred to me that having an identity crisis can be a good thing.
I think that each of us has two identities; one identity in the world, and one in Christ. That being said, I don't think either of those two identities will be carried with us when we die. From a Christian standpoint, I think it's easy to understand that the identity of the world won't be the identity we hold in heaven. But from that same standpoint I don't think it's as easy to see that our identity in Christ that we hold here while living will be different from the identity we have in Christ in heaven. No matter how hard we all try, the world WILL influence us during our time here on Earth. Before I became a Christian, I wasn't concerned with how God thought of me. I was only concerned about what my family, friends, and myself thought of me. I was concerned with the world. But after I accepted Christ into my life I began to see the differences in my identity. In Christ I am no longer who I was before, instead I'm becoming who He wants me to be...not who I or my family and friends want me to be. The problem that I'm having now though is that I'm frustrated that my identity in Christ is still being influenced so strongly by the world. This is what I mean when I say I don't think our Christian identities here on Earth will be carried with us completely when we go to heaven because no matter what; however long we live in the world, we will be influenced by the world. Only when we get to heaven will our work here on earth be complete. Have you ever really thought about the flesh? Biblically speaking, the flesh is often related to the world. As I was thinking about this it occurred to me that our physical flesh and spiritual flesh aren't really that different from one another. As babies, our skin is very soft and things of the world make it easy to tear. As babies in Christ, our flesh is the same way. New ideas and concepts can either help us or harm us as we begin to grow. We need constant protection so the world cannot harm the flesh. As we begin to grow up, our flesh becomes more tough. Just as the lengthy exposure to the sun turns our skin to a tough leather, long exposure to the world hardens our Spiritual flesh and makes it difficult to soften. The ideas that once influenced us turn into our own opinions and we become hardened to new ideas because of the beliefs we now have set in stone. But as time progresses and we become older, the flesh that was hardened begins to soften again. As we become closer to death we realize what's important and once again we let God tear our flesh. Our flesh returns back to a similar state of being that it was in when we were children, only with more wrinkles. Near the end I think that God begins to soften that hardened flesh we gained throughout our lifetime. My point is that until the day I die, my flesh is going to be influenced and changed by my experience. Only when I die will I not be influenced by the world. Until I die I will never be completely who God wants me to be.
So until the day I die, I am becoming more like Christ. Because of that, I shouldn't feel the need to be so hard on myself and accept that when I "fail" I'm not really failing but succeeding at changing the identity of the world in me. When I give into the world, I'm learning what not to do to have a successful life outside of this world. The good news, the same news I often forget because of how hard I am on myself, is that God loves me always. It doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive, God loves me. Learning how to be who Christ wants me to be is the point of living here on earth. Learning to love God means learning to love myself. If I can't appreciate who I am, then I sure as heck can't appreciate that Christ was the one who made me. Because of my pride, I have this idea of perfection that I feel I should be living up to as it relates to who I am in Christ. When I mess us, in my head I've screwed everything up and won't be able to recover. I'll have to start over from square one. The problem in that thinking, which I'm becoming more aware of each day, is that Christian or not, I will never be perfect the way I think perfect should be. The bible tells us we are already perfect in Gods eyes, he is just making us more holy while here on earth. The world tells us otherwise. And because even as a Christian I'm so influenced by what the world thinks, I believe that I'm not ever going to reach holiness. As a human, I can't even begin to grasp what perfection is in God's eyes, so realistically I shouldn't be so focused on perfection at all. Humans don't even know what real perfection is because humans didn't create the concept of perfection; God did. That being said, nothing I ever do is going to be "perfect" if I'm judging perfection by my own standards. I think it is very necessary that we have two identities throughout our lifetime so that we can understand the difference of the world and eternity. So when I feel like I'm failing I need to try and remember I'm growing more into the person Christ is making me. Honestly, when my time on Earth is coming to an end, if I was to believe that I was done growing then it would mean I have come to believe the world no longer influences me. Christian or not, while I'm on earth, I'm of this world and therefore influenced by the world. If I didn't have to struggle with finding myself I could never fully appreciate who Christ is making me for eternity.
No comments:
Post a Comment