Testing the Waters

"Aren't you gonna test the waters?" I remember one of my co-workers saying that to me awhile back. The situation he was talking about doesn't matter now, but the statement has stuck with me. It's a question that I often ask myself. But I wonder if I've been too cautious my entire life? For as long as I can remember I've never really been the "go getter" type. I usually need a push to get going. I'm not really one to just "test waters". I know what's comfortable for me, and the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone makes me anxious. But recently I've learned how staying in my comfort zone for too long isn't always comfortable. I used to say that once things get comfortable, it's time for a change. Well, I had to take my own advice.

Staying in my comfort zone prevented me from growing. When I was in high school I used to love learning new things. Philosophy and debating were the two things I needed zero motivation with. I loved the drive and I loved what it did to my mind. The hunt for answers drove me to discover new things about the world and myself that I never would have otherwise. ...and then things became comfortable. I eventually stopped studying and blogging a few years after high school and fell into the mundane routines of life. I no longer felt like I was growing, I had become stagnant and I hated myself for that, I felt like I didn't even know who I was anymore. The joy I used to feel was slowly being sucked away from me because I stopped testing the waters. I stopped trying new things and discovering more about myself. I just assumed I knew who I was after all the studying and didn't realize that I'm never going to stop growing, I can't force myself to stay where I'm at because I'm scared of what's to come. Somewhere along the way I lost that part of me.

I want that part of me back again. I want to find out who I am again and rediscover my passion for knowledge. I want to take chances in life instead of staying comfortable. Comfortable is great for the anxious person...but ironically it also leaves the anxious more anxious. Nothing is worse than the unknown for someone who is anxious, and if I'm stuck in my comfort zone there's a good change the unknown is slipping further and further away from me. Part of me doesn't want to take chances and test waters because of that fear of the unknown. But the fear of never knowing what I never tired is bigger than the one that's keeping me in chains. So I'm breaking free from those chains and officially testing some new waters in life.