“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” - Dr. Seuss

I once heard a pastor say, "If you're too busy playing the role of someone else, then who's playing you?" The minute I heard this, I couldn't help but relate to it. On more than one occasion I've definitely found myself playing the role of someone other than myself. I think a lot of it has to do with my need to feel like I have to please everyone.

I remember in the sixth grade, right before the end of the school year, there were cheer leading tryouts for junior high. You should know that I grew up a tom boy. I played football and soccer and wore cloths that weren't usually from the little girls section. I was never into dolls or dancing or things of that nature. I preferred wrestling and rough housing. So when I showed up to school in a pony tail and make up the day of the auditions, people started to talk. They didn't recognize me and started to make fun of me. I brushed it off and continued on with my day. That evening at the audition was a nightmare. All the other girls had routines planned out and looked the part. I had nothing planned but to wing it and hope fore the best. When it came down to my turn for the dancing portion I wasn't as terrible as I thought I was...but compared to the other girls, I didn't even come close. Then came the time for display jumps and flips. I walked into the gym pretty cautious. When it was my turn, I walked up to the edge of the mat with a plan to do the only "trick" I knew how to do. A somersault. I took a deep breath, began to run and then right before the big roll, shuffle stepped and dove into the most lopsided roll anyone has ever seen. I basically tipped over. Afterwards, I got up, put my hands in the hair and proceeded to do my jump, which consisted of me literally just jumping into the air with my feet at an awkward angle and my hands straight up in the air. Instead of the clapping the other girls received, I got that classic "cricket" response that you see in movies. I knew before going into the audition that I wasn't going to make the team, but I wanted to be like my friends and go for it anyway. Being a cheerleader just wasn't me.

Over the years there have been many more instances where I tried to be someone other than myself. Sometimes I wanted to fit in, sometimes I wanted to impress people, and other times I just didn't like who I was. Whatever the situation, being who I wasn't never played out in my favor. I always ended up letting myself or others down. And I always ended up delaying my own personal growth. God made me to be me...not someone else. We all have our own corks and at one point or another wish to be someone else. But the longer I tried to escape myself, the more unhappy I became. After the cheer leading incident, I went back to playing sports and hanging out with the guys. I found friends that accepted me. Over the years, when I tried to be who I wasn't, I lost friends and gained new ones. When I discovered that I didn't like who I became, I found that the people that who liked me for me were still willing to be my friend. I never had to try hard to be someone in front of them because they knew the real me.

I love the question that the pastor posed so much because it challenges me. In the first blog post I ever wrote entitled "Dirty Love" I said, "I think I'd much rather someone see the real me, instead of this fake picture I want to be. Actually, i think if I were to walk around as the fake me I would make it impossible to truly be loved, or feel love for myself. If we can't be honest with our own self, then how the heck are we gonna be honest with someone we desire to be close with." Life isn't about faking it so others will accept you. It's about accepting who God made you to be so that others can be blessed by who you are. I think it's ok to try new things to see if you enjoy them. Actually I think that's necessary in finding out who you are. The problem comes when you are doing things you know you don't like just to gain the acceptance of others. It's human nature to want to be accepted, but I think I'd rather be accepted by those who truly care about me. I feel better about who I am knowing that others know who I am.