September is suicide prevention month. This topic has always been near to my heart so I'm gonna take this opportunity to speak my mind. Suicide is a serious topic that lot of people are uncomfortable talking about. It's understandable to be uncomfortable about something so deep and powerful. How do you talk to someone who wants to end their life? It's terrifying to think that you could be the person to change someones mind or show them the light. That's a lot of responsibility to hold. Throughout my life I've been in multiple conversations that involved a friend or friend of a friend needing help. And every time I pawned it off to an adult that I thought could help....well now I'm the adult and I have potential to be that person that I would have gone to as a kid. Am I gonna know what to do if I'm ever in that situation? I'd like to think I will because as a kid, I was also questioning my own life. I went and got the help I needed, and now I would never hesitate to ask someone if they are ok. That simple question could be life or death for that person...literally.
For the majority of my life I struggled with depression. By the time junior high rolled around the depression was just a constant cloud that followed me every day. I was visibly unhappy, although I tried to fake a good smile. I just couldn't find any joy in life. I tried my hardest to stay happy after my friends went home, but at night the only thing I could think about was a different life. I didn't like the one I was in. I just felt stuck. These feelings followed me into high school which is absolutely the last place those feelings should be. High school means new cliques, new experiences, and hormones. All of those things overwhelmed me. Those feelings of not liking the life I was in quickly grew to not wanting to be alive, I couldn't get away from those thoughts. I spent hours and hours online looking up ways to kill myself and wrote a new suicide note every night. I never had the courage to do anything permanent thank God, but there were nights that I came close. I would hear about kids I knew who had gone through with it and I was actually jealous of them. Nothing I did stopped these thoughts. Nothing. The depression was unbearable I eventually got so desperate that I told someone about how I was feeling and immediately got surrounded by love. That person stuck his neck out for me and took an interest. He reached out to my family and made my mom aware of how I was feeling. From there I started a long journey of discovering a life without depression.
What I've learned throughout the years of battling depression is this: Depression isn't somebodies fault. It's your body's reaction to life experiences. You don't always get to control that. For me I've learned that the things I can't change, are just that. I can't change them so why worry about them? Because it's my bodies natural response to be negative, I have learned to communicate with people. It's a work in progress, but talking to people makes the difference. Keeping your loved ones informed can save someone who struggles with depression. Suicide is preventable 99% of the time, but someone with depression may not have it in them to speak up. It's important to get to know your loved ones. Ask them how they are really doing and stop settling for the fake answer, Most of us are smart enough to know when someone is hurting. It's usually written all over their face and body language.
There are those times when it's impossible to tell that someone you know is hurting because they hide it so well. It's those times that make this month so important. Raising awareness about suicide can save someones life. It gives someone struggling breathing room and lets them know it's OK to be sad, but there is help available. Depression can be embarrassing because it's the ultimate act of vulnerability to tell someone you don't have control of your life. This month is about letting people know there's someone out there willing to help you gain that control back. I told a little bit of my story above to encourage those reading this that things get better. If you or someone you know struggles with depression, check in on them. This month is about coming together and showing those we love that we care.
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