pushing forward

I remember this one time my dad took me to a dog show when I was younger. I've always had a fascination with dogs and this show couldn't have been more exciting. The problem was that I was also terrified of dogs. So once we got to the show I relied on my dad to keep me safe. I was unsure of every corner and kept looking back for assurance that everything was going to be ok. Had my dad not been there, I'm not sure I would have had the confidence to go.

Today at church, the pastor mentioned that having fear is ok, because God has your back. When he mentioned that, I immediately thought back to that scenario with my dad and the dogs. I've not been able to stop thinking about this all day. Time after time in my life I have relied on someone having my back in order to move forward. The idea of having somebody to back you up and cheer you on is comforting. It's amazing to me though, how often I try and do life alone. There hasn't been a time where being alone was more effective than having someone by my side. People push us to move forward.

Fear is a constant monster I battle in my life. It comes with the anxiety. Most days I'm able to forget those fears exist, but there are times when that feeling overwhelms me. Maybe it's a pride thing, but trying to deal with it alone before asking for help is just my natural response. And I've noticed that's true for many people. About the time we realize we can cross the street without holding mom's hand is when we realize independence is awesome. And every child is in a rush to continue to gain independence until the moment they move out for the first time. The world is less scary when you have the comfort of home to fall back on. But when the going gets really rough, even the toughest adult breaks and asks for help. Pride is no match for self defeat. Nothing tears me apart more than thinking I failed. I hate not being able to move forward. And it's in times like this that relying on those people in my corner becomes important. They are able to remind me that it's going to be ok...just give it time. Hang in there. And all of a sudden things aren't as scary because I know that I've got someone beside me when I become unsure. Someone that's there to feed off of and learn from. I can try all I want to be a loner, but in the end I always find my way back to people. Life is not getting any easier for me lately, so hearing that message today in church was a great reminder to seek people out when I'm sacred I can't do it alone.