I'm lost

I'm waiting. but you never show up. Sure, your lips are moving, but those aren't your words coming out. They haven't been for years. A label is the only reason you recognize yourself. A label is what you've become. A thin white sheet of paper tells you who you are. Otherwise, you'd have no clue. You're lost within the pain. Life should be more hard, but you've taken the easy way out. Honestly, I don't know how to express myself and I don't know how to talk to you anymore. I'm at a loss for words, so I just sit there. I sit and wonder what's going through your head. I wonder why things ended up this way. It drives me insane. I wish I could fix it. You say things are getting better. but I see past that. Things are getting worse every day. You're drowning and you don't even know it. Nobody can save you but you. I pray that you'll one day realize this. I pray that you'll one day understand that life is allowed to be complicated.

I live in a constant state of turmoil.I want to save people but I just can't. I take on burdens that aren't mine to bare. Life is difficult some days. I don't know how to move forward and I can't understand how to let go. A lot of the time I end up coping in ways that are unhealthy. I just don't know how to watch people slowly kill themselves. My heart just breaks for those who hurt. I know there are things that are out of my control, but I'm too stubborn to just move on. One day I know I'll find peace, but until then I'm going to live the best I can.

Lately I've been tempted to drown out the pain I'm feeling. I'm trying my best to not give in, but most days I find myself unsuccessful. I have a huge support system, but I'm not taking advantage of that. Instead I'm withdrawing myself from them so I don't have to deal with all this. I know that this post seems vague, but I can't go into details here. I'm asking that those of you that have managed to make it this far into reading this would pray for me. I'm feeling lost and don;t know what to do. All I can do is be there and pray that God will intervene.