A little lesson on God's timing

Over the last few months, God has really been changing my life. I have never really been one to turn to prayer in too many situations. Personally, it really helps if I am able to see who I am talking to. Because I struggled with that so much my faith started to hit some potholes in the road. I didn't think I could trust a God I couldn't physically see, so why would I pour my heart and soul out to Him? So I became stuck. Spiritually, emotionally, physically drained. And it was awful. Nothing was fun, I had no motivation to change, and worst of all I saw myself crumbling and didn't do a thing about it because I had no motivation...which frustrated me even more. As a Christian, there is no worse feeling than thinking God isn't with you. The thought of Him not hearing my prayers absolutely crushed me. I felt like because life was happening so quick and I couldn't do a thing about it no matter how hard I tried, that somehow God was just ignoring me. Selfish right? Definitely. But at the time, I wasn't thinking how selfish I was being towards God and the people around me...I was wondering why nothing was happening inside of me.

Losing a friend is something that I would wish upon no one. Ever. But like it or not, life is going to end for everyone. And like it or not, we don't control when it happens. God's timing is one of the most irritating things in the world sometimes! I feel like waving my fists in the air and yelling at God "WHY NOW??! WHY TODAY?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!" in hopes that maybe God will change His mind. But he doesn't. He leaves the rest of us here to continue onward, one step at a time. The beauty of God though is that through our pain we learn, grow, and build our character. We are able to become stronger. Death is never easy, and it effects everyone differently. But we all hurt. When Jesus laid his life down for us, the suffering he endured on the cross was far worse than any suffering we could ever imagine. Our savior took our sin and everything that goes with it to the cross with him and went through the most excruciating death imaginable. But he rose again! Jesus defeated death!! It took me awhile after my friends passing to understand this fully. I had looked into it before actually, but experiencing real pain and suffering for the first time was much different than looking it up in the Bible. Like I said before, I just couldn't see God.

But the most amazing thing happened. Just when I was going to give up and walk away from my faith, the body of Christ lifted me up! They carried me and pushed me and refused to let me fall. Had it not been for my Christian brothers and sisters, I don't know how I would have made it through. I had wasted so much time thinking that God wasn't there, when the entire time he was right there in front of me, showing his love through the actions of these people. When I finally let them in to help me and be a shoulder to cry on, I later realized I had just let God back in my life at the same moment. After all, Christ has told us to love Him and love others! That is the greatest commandment! Because I was in so much pain, I had looked right past that. But I tell you what, the minute I let God back into my life, I became a whole new person! A fire was ignited and has been burning ever since!!! I am just so encouraged by the way other people show love. Love is proof to me that God exists. (Well, life is proof too...but love is totally up there.) I am so encouraged daily by my friends and family to love like crazy. The way it made me feel when I fully understood God's grace made me feel incredible! It was like nothing I have ever felt before. And I want nothing more than to watch and be there when other people experience this too!

When my friend died, he left a piece of him here on Earth. In every one of the heart that he touched, he lives on. And through those people other people are being inspired. Lives are being changed for the good. His death taught us all a lesson. For me personally, I learned that keeping the gospel to yourself means there is a chance you won't ever see the people you love again when you go home. It made me realize how important it is to speak up when your gut is screaming at you. I learned that letting fear hold you back could be the difference between life and death. And most of all I learned that through the grace of God, all this suffering ends here on Earth. My friend is no longer in pain. It's very comforting to know that my friend is waiting there with God for his family, me and my friends. But until then he is inspiring the rest of us to live a better life. He has encouraged me to tell my friends about God and has renewed my desire to pursue ministry. By sharing the good news of Jesus, selfishly it means I get to see those people after I die...but unselfishly it would mean that I am helping God's kingdom grow! Those people can go off and tell the good news to their friends and so on!!!!! How beautiful is it that something so miraculous and powerful as life change and spiritual birth came out of pain, suffering and death? Learning a little bit about God's timing turned out to be an amazing experience. I watched friends come to God and doors be opened. There is still pain, but this time I know that God is right there with me. I know everything is going to be OK.