A few things I've been learning lately. Enjoy :)

I feel like I'm not alone when I say that I struggle so much with the fact that Jesus is not here in the flesh with me. It's so darn frustrating that I can't give him and hug and have him tell me everything is going to be ok. I long so much to be in the arms of Jesus and walk beside him. I've even gotten angry at God, wondering why I couldn't have lived when Jesus lived? Why couldn't I have lived to reach out and touch him? In the midst of this struggle I've been digging into the bible to help me out. I felt like I should share with all of you a little bit of what I've been learning, in hopes that it might encourage you like it's been encouraging me.

I was recently lead to Acts 17:24-31 while questioning why I couldn't have walked with Jesus. All of the verses really hit me but verses 26-28 really brought it home...especially 26 and 27. "From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact  places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.' This really spoke to me. God put us here in this exact moment because it was the best time for us as individuals to love him to the best of our abilities. If God would have wanted me to live when Jesus walked the earth when his disciples did, he would have put me there. Instead, I am here today, living the life I'm in right now, with the family and friends I have right now, for a reason. It is the best time in God's plan for me to walk the earth. And I need to embrace that with everything I am. After all, Jesus' greatest command was to love him and love others. It's up to me to live that out, and now is the time to do it. My circumstances won't define me any longer. Instead, they will help shape me to become more reliant on my faith in the one who put me here.

The book of John has really been rocking my world as well.  Jesus speaks some very powerful words to his disciples in chapters 14-16 as it relates to Jesus not being here in the flesh. Verses 1-3 say this, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house there are many rooms; if it were not so, I would not have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be where I am." As Jesus tells his disciples that when he leaves them he will prepare a place for them, they become confused. They think they need him there to find the way to God. But Jesus is telling them, that he is the way to God, and believing and trusting in him is all it takes! And it gets better! Jesus goes on to talk about the comfort of the Holy Spirit that is to be sent in place of him here on earth. Verses 16-19 say this; "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live." Jesus' promise of the Holy Spirit is so darn comforting to me. He tells us all that it is a fact that he will come back, but until then we still have the Spirit in us to guide us! He also tells us in various places what we must do what he asks of us. In verses 25-26 Jesus says, "All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." Chapter 15 verse 26 and 27 goes on to say this, "When the Counselor comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father, he will testify about me. And you also must testify, for you have been with me since the beginning." Jesus is telling us that we are responsible for the kingdom of God to advance. And to help us out and give us the right things to say, he has sent the Holy Spirit. In John chapter 16 Jesus teaches specifically about the Holy Spirit and the purpose of him being sent. verse 7; "But I tell you the truth: It is for your own good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you." Verse 8 gives us a little more detail about what we are to do with the Holy Spirit. "When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in reguard to sin and righteousness and judgement." Verse 13 also helped me out a ton. "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come." I know there are a lot of verses there, but each of those verses have really helped me when it comes to knowing what to do without the flesh of Jesus being in front of me. Knowing that he has not left me and has sent another Counselor in place is also very important to the trinity. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are now all able to work as one, and guide each of us. (read John chapter 17 for more on the unity and how it relates to our walk with God. It's awesome!)


Recently, this has also helped me out. “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” - Luke 2:49

Every one of us has a father here on earth. And every one of us at some point or another feels disconnected with our father. Some of us may have great relationships with out fathers, while others may have never met him. There are also those who rely on a respectable male figure in their life to serve as a father figure. Jesus was one of those children. Joseph, the husband of Mary and father to Jesus, isn't actually responsible for the birth of his son. God was. Jopeph did however did raise Jesus and guide him in the right direction at a young age. As time went on though, Jesus began to feel a disconnection with Joseph. I feel like every one of us can relate to that. As I was reading this verse an overwhelming sense of comfort came over me. God will always be the perfect father...no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing our earthly fathers. But in those moments when it's hard to find that fatherly connection it is really awesome to know that God is there, waiting for us to come to him. He won't steer us in the wrong direction, or tell us we aren't worthy of love.

I guess that's all I have for right now. Thanks for sticking to the end on this one, I know it was lengthy.

Love takes Time

I wonder if God gave us time so we can appreciate eternity more? A lot of us question our existence often. It seems weird that we are just here with all this stuff surrounding us. How did it get here? Why are we here to experience it? What's the point? And after many years of thinking, the idea that God gave us this time here on Earth to appreciate eternity more makes the most sense to me. Let me further explain.

God could have easily created us to live with Him immediately. But what would have been the point of that? He created us out of love, and in order for us to love Him back, we must have a choice. We can't be forced to love Him any more than we can be forced to love one another. He gave us free will for a reason. If we have to choose love Him, then we first must experience love for ourselves. This is where I think our time on Earth comes into play. After a lot of questions and some research, I've found that one of the main things that separates Earth from Heaven is time. (there are different types of "time", but we don't experience all the different types in Heaven.) We experience Heaven after we die, for eternity. But we first must live here and die in order to experience that. If that is the case, then time we spend here is unique to Earth.

On a different, yet similar note, if the time we experience here is unique to Earth, it would also mean that love has to have time first in order to really exist. Love doesn't end when we die, but it sure can't begin unless we live. As a baby, I didn't come out of the womb with clapping hands singing praise and love songs to Jesus. I had to first learn love through the actions of my parents. The cool thing is, the love I was being taught by my parents is the same love they were taught from their parents and so on. What an exciting cycle of love! But that cycle had to begin somewhere. The Bible tell us, that cycle began with Adam and Eve. In the first few chapters of Genesis, God shows Adam and Even what love should consist of. But Adam and Eve had to learn it for themselves! They didn't listen to God, and God became angry at them. The good news is that we have a compassionate God, and He forgave them. Through that mercy and forgiveness, Adam and Eve learned that God will love them no matter what. That is love. But it didn't happen right away. It took Adam and Eve time to learn this. And now years later, we are learning that same love. Love has never changed since the beginning of time.

The problem is that our culture has changed dramatically over time. Every one of us is influenced by our surroundings, and over time those influences change the way we look at things. Unfortunately, the American culture has become more and more dependant on media, and as time carries on, the idea of love has become a constant victim. So often we hear young kids throwing the word "love" around without actually meaning it. They see teens on TV that after 2 hours of knowing one another, are madly in love. Then something happens like another girl or guy getting in the way, or a simple fight, and all of a sudden those teens have "fallen out of love". Watching shows like that presents a completely false and negative depiction of what love really is. Even if a parent explains to the child what they just saw is wrong, the fact that the idea is still in that child's head is a big problem. Most teens don't listen to their parents, so instead they decide to enter relationships at very early ages, throw the word "love" around after a day or so, and then get ridiculously hurt when it doesn't work out. God has showed us time and time again, that love should not end, ever. These shows tell kids otherwise. Is that really what we want to be teaching our children? Sometimes, we don't have a choice because of how dependant we are on media. This is why it is so important to teach our children love at an early age as it aligns with God's ideas, not our cultures. I feel like the divorce rate wouldn't dramatically decline if we focused more on teaching our children about God instead of letting the TV become a babysitter/educator. Love wouldn't have an option to become a victim because those values are already set before entering into situations where controlling the amount of media intake is harder. Lets stop making love a victim, and let God show us how to live.

For the love of...coffee?

Coffee. Even on the roughest day, a good cup of coffee can bring a smile to my face. On a great day...well that's a whole new story. Coffee to me is like collecting stamps to other people. I can't get enough of it. Each new flavor provides something new, and every sip brings joy to my taste buds. Seriously, if those bad boys could talk I'm sure they would be thanking me for putting such delicious flavors in my mouth to enjoy throughout every day! And let me tell you, Starbucks is like the king of all coffees. Never in my life have I come across something so wonderful and tasty. And the smell, OH man! If I could wear a Starbucks scented perfume, I totally would. I absolutely LOVE waking up each day to the smell of Starbucks consuming home. There are so many beans to choose from, each with it's own unique touch. Some have an herbal feel to them, like your literally sipping your coffee in the Smokey Mountains watching the most beautiful sunset ever. Others have a richness to it so deep not even the wealthiest man on Earth could touch. Citrus has even made an appearance every now and then, although I can't say it my favorite. But setting aside the fact that Starbucks just cant be beat, one of my favorite things about coffee is that all over the world people gather and socialize over a good cup of coffee. How beautiful is it that a simple drink can bring millions of people together to enjoy quality time with each other?! So what is it about coffee that brings people together?

Over the years, coffee has represented a number of different things to me. It has represented love, friendship, community, a right of passage into nearing adulthood, a welcome to new beginnings, and has even offered a sense of comfort. Every time I pass a coffee shop, I can't help but enter. The smell from the outside hits my nose in such a way that I can't help but go in, even if it's just to get a better smell. I can almost taste the coffee once I enter. As I look around I notice so many people. Students rushing to get last minute studying in as they fill themselves with much needed energy. I see old friends reuniting at tables, taking in the friendly atmosphere. Businessmen come in on their breaks, slowly sipping their coffee, giving them a chance to rest from busy schedules. Others come in looking for a place to hide out and enjoy coffee while they read a good book. In the morning, the final drips and gurgling of the coffee pot sound the final wake up alarm, and the day can finally begin. It's almost as if the unique smells and sounds are necessary for the body to begin functioning properly. And after a long day, sitting back and enjoying a warm cup of coffee can't be beat. As a child, I watched my parents come home from work and discuss the days events over a long cup of coffee. As long as coffee was still in their cups, it meant that we should leave them alone to enjoy the company of each other. Sometimes they would have more than one cup in order to give themselves more time. While they had their coffee, us kids would gather around the table over hot chocolate mimicking what we saw. Now, years later I understand why they did that. Something about coffee makes me feel like I am escaping the rush of the day. The fifteen minutes to an hour it takes to enjoy just one cup of coffee gives me enough time to take in the day and relax for a little while. I can get lost in the smell, and as the warm liquid makes its way down my throat, it warms up my body and comforts me. If someone is joining me, both of us get taken away into coffees tight grip. All over the world people experience the same effects of coffee that I do. Coffee will always hold a special place in my heart. To me and the rest of the world, coffee is much more than a drink...coffee is the perfect escape.

A long way from home

I love all types of movies, and each one speaks to me differently. The Shawshank Redemption is one of those movies that I can watch a hundred times and get something new each time. That's my favorite kind of movie to watch. The kind where no matter how many times you watch it, each time you can relate it to whats going on in your own life at the time. Earlier I got to thinking about how the entire time Andy is in prison, he is away from his home. He is forced into a new place with no other option than to start over. Andy took his past life experience and used it to help find his identity in a new place. Even though he was in prison, Andy never abandoned his personal values and morals he had for himself. He never allowed himself to become lost in this new environment. In a way, Andy is a hero to me. I look at how Andy dealt with the situation he was put into, and I am encouraged. Encouraged to live life in the present and not focus on what could have been or what might be. Andy lived in prison with the awareness of something better outside those walls, but made the most of his situation until the time was right for him to move on. I want to live my life like that.

The situation Andy finds himself in at Shawshank is a situation every one of us finds ourself in at one point or another in life. He is outside his comfort zone against his will and forced to make the best of the situation. He could have just sat there and not tried to change a thing. He could have let the prison he was in get the best of him. I think it's interesting that Andy overcomes the situation he is in at prison. To me in a rather existential way of thinking, this relates to life. At one time or another, most of us go through that stage in life where we think that we are trapped in a prison. School is awful, your parents are telling you what you can and can't do, and nothing you say or do seems to be right. Your stuck. And like prison, there is no way out until your time is up.

Personally, I think the Christian experience is also similar to what Andy goes through in the movie. As a fairly new Christian, and surrounded by a brand new community of people, I find myself trying to make the new place I'm in home. I'm being forced outside my comfort zone in order to survive with Christ. The minute I accepted Christ as my savior, I became fully aware that I was no longer able to live how I once lived. If I really want to be at ease, I have to adapt to my surroundings and learn to live in a brand new way. At first this was really hard. Actually to be honest, this is still really hard. I have never really been the kind of person to seek out new friends. Like Andy actually, I tend to keep to myself. That's not to say that I don't love being with people, because I do...but I also enjoy time to myself to think. I prefer to take in my surroundings and evaluate them before making decisions. After a while though, I found that opening up to new people became easier. At first the conversation with my new Christian friends was short. I didn't know what to say to them because I felt like my life before Christ was way to different and they couldn't possibly relate to how I see things. But slowly I've been learning that they are no different than me. Even though our backgrounds are different, we are still seeking out the same goal: to love the Lord. When it became apparent that I was accepted even when I still felt lost, it became much easier to get along with people. I started to step out of my shell, and slowly I've been becoming the person I know Christ wants me to be. When Andy was in prison, a lot of people reached out to him. It took him awhile to let them in, but once he did he was able to start sharing experiences with them.

Sometimes being away from home is uncomfortable. We are unsure of ourselves because we are so used to things being consistent at home. Most times at home we are not being pushed outside of our comfort zone. We know what to expect and know how to handle situations. Not only that, the environment is very familiar. There isn't a lot of change. When we are forced outside of our homes, survival mode is turned on. We become much more sensitive to things because they are new to us. Eventually though, we calm down and our senses return to normal. What was scary before is all of a sudden fun. The new people around you don't seem as weird and you find that you have a lot more in common with them than you think once you open up to the situation. Dying to my old self and being born to Christ was exactly like that. Scary at first and then really exciting. Like Andy, the situations I found myself in were different, but I decided to take control of the situation instead of letting it take control of me. Sure, it took me awhile, and it was very difficult...but the end result has been beautiful. I wake up each morning knowing that I have the body of Christ behind me. I know that when I leave this Earth, this so called prison, that like Andy I will experience a paradise far more beautiful than I could ever imagine. But until then, I need to embrace this new home with everything I am, finding ways to make the most out of it, until I am ready to move again.

A little lesson on God's timing

Over the last few months, God has really been changing my life. I have never really been one to turn to prayer in too many situations. Personally, it really helps if I am able to see who I am talking to. Because I struggled with that so much my faith started to hit some potholes in the road. I didn't think I could trust a God I couldn't physically see, so why would I pour my heart and soul out to Him? So I became stuck. Spiritually, emotionally, physically drained. And it was awful. Nothing was fun, I had no motivation to change, and worst of all I saw myself crumbling and didn't do a thing about it because I had no motivation...which frustrated me even more. As a Christian, there is no worse feeling than thinking God isn't with you. The thought of Him not hearing my prayers absolutely crushed me. I felt like because life was happening so quick and I couldn't do a thing about it no matter how hard I tried, that somehow God was just ignoring me. Selfish right? Definitely. But at the time, I wasn't thinking how selfish I was being towards God and the people around me...I was wondering why nothing was happening inside of me.

Losing a friend is something that I would wish upon no one. Ever. But like it or not, life is going to end for everyone. And like it or not, we don't control when it happens. God's timing is one of the most irritating things in the world sometimes! I feel like waving my fists in the air and yelling at God "WHY NOW??! WHY TODAY?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!" in hopes that maybe God will change His mind. But he doesn't. He leaves the rest of us here to continue onward, one step at a time. The beauty of God though is that through our pain we learn, grow, and build our character. We are able to become stronger. Death is never easy, and it effects everyone differently. But we all hurt. When Jesus laid his life down for us, the suffering he endured on the cross was far worse than any suffering we could ever imagine. Our savior took our sin and everything that goes with it to the cross with him and went through the most excruciating death imaginable. But he rose again! Jesus defeated death!! It took me awhile after my friends passing to understand this fully. I had looked into it before actually, but experiencing real pain and suffering for the first time was much different than looking it up in the Bible. Like I said before, I just couldn't see God.

But the most amazing thing happened. Just when I was going to give up and walk away from my faith, the body of Christ lifted me up! They carried me and pushed me and refused to let me fall. Had it not been for my Christian brothers and sisters, I don't know how I would have made it through. I had wasted so much time thinking that God wasn't there, when the entire time he was right there in front of me, showing his love through the actions of these people. When I finally let them in to help me and be a shoulder to cry on, I later realized I had just let God back in my life at the same moment. After all, Christ has told us to love Him and love others! That is the greatest commandment! Because I was in so much pain, I had looked right past that. But I tell you what, the minute I let God back into my life, I became a whole new person! A fire was ignited and has been burning ever since!!! I am just so encouraged by the way other people show love. Love is proof to me that God exists. (Well, life is proof too...but love is totally up there.) I am so encouraged daily by my friends and family to love like crazy. The way it made me feel when I fully understood God's grace made me feel incredible! It was like nothing I have ever felt before. And I want nothing more than to watch and be there when other people experience this too!

When my friend died, he left a piece of him here on Earth. In every one of the heart that he touched, he lives on. And through those people other people are being inspired. Lives are being changed for the good. His death taught us all a lesson. For me personally, I learned that keeping the gospel to yourself means there is a chance you won't ever see the people you love again when you go home. It made me realize how important it is to speak up when your gut is screaming at you. I learned that letting fear hold you back could be the difference between life and death. And most of all I learned that through the grace of God, all this suffering ends here on Earth. My friend is no longer in pain. It's very comforting to know that my friend is waiting there with God for his family, me and my friends. But until then he is inspiring the rest of us to live a better life. He has encouraged me to tell my friends about God and has renewed my desire to pursue ministry. By sharing the good news of Jesus, selfishly it means I get to see those people after I die...but unselfishly it would mean that I am helping God's kingdom grow! Those people can go off and tell the good news to their friends and so on!!!!! How beautiful is it that something so miraculous and powerful as life change and spiritual birth came out of pain, suffering and death? Learning a little bit about God's timing turned out to be an amazing experience. I watched friends come to God and doors be opened. There is still pain, but this time I know that God is right there with me. I know everything is going to be OK.

 

I'm Just a Simple Tree

Over the last four months I have been involved in the most eye-opening bible study of my life. Lead by three amazing ladies and accompanied by many more, we set out every Tuesday morning to discuss the meaning of life and improve our life stories. Donald Miller, the author of the book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, presented me with the idea that each of us is a tree in a much bigger forest. Each one of our lives in a small part of a bigger story! God has really been drilling this into my mind the last four months.We focused on the idea that each of us has a story, and even though every story is different the author is the same. God has placed us here on this earth to create chapters in the most beautiful story ever told! Not only that, he has put us here to create these chapters with each other!! The author of the universe is the same author of love and friendship, suffering and joy...the author of life and death. And I tell you what, at 7:30 in the moring it was quite the feat to accomplish such in depth conversations. Yet every morning I would walk away feeling like I was a part of something bigger than myself. Every one of these ladies pushed me to live a better story, one that matters and makes a difference.

To make a long story short, at the beginning of this bible study I was going through a lot. Life was just throwing me obstacles to jump over. My first response wasn't to pray and rely on God. Actually the thought of going to a bible study and putting my heart on the line absolutely terrified me. So I took a leap of faith and introduced myself and laid everything out on the table right away. I figured if they didn't seem to like what I was going to say or thought that I was too depressed for their group, I could walk away and never see any of them again. Turned out, it didn't matter that I didn't have it all figured out. Everyone was in the same river I was, just paddling in different boats. I found that trusting God to lead me instead of relying on myself, turned out to be the difference between spiritual life and death. Every one of those trees in my corner of the forest lent me their roots!

God has really been showing me that Christian community is an essential part of the Christian experience. If we have this idea that we can make it on our own, then the real body of Christ would never have an opportunity to shine its light. Every one of us gets caught up in our own struggles, but God shows us through those struggles we can overcome anything. But we have to be willing to let other people in. Nobody can do life on their own. It’s just not possible. The experiences that we gain when we share life with other people far outweigh the mundane experiences we face on our own each day. I learned that through Christian community we can build each other up and push each other to make those difficult life choices. Through community we are able to show what the real love of Christ is all about. Every one of us was interested in the life of the person sitting next to us. We had a desire to be there for each other. Through that community I was encouraged to ask the questions that don't seem to have answers, only to find out other people had the same questions. And most of all, community taught me to not sit back and let life happen to me. I was forced to get up every morning with the intention of making my story better so I didn't come to group the next week feeling like a slacker. It's SO great that God gives us other people in our lives we can depend on. Sometimes when we feel God isn't walking with us, that community is a refreshing reminder God is right there leading the way. 

Thank you ladies for making this last four months possible!! I'm so honored to be a tree in the forest with you all!

The good ol' fat cat

Fat cats. Boy do I love them! Sometimes I feel like there is nothing I am more jealous of than a good fat cat. They always seems to have this smile on their face that says "Yea, that's right. I'm fat and my belly is full and I look good!" And they do. They look darn good. I bet if you ask a group of people which cat they like better, they would pick the fat cat over the skinny one anytime! Humans sure can't say that. We have this thing called judgement. Don't know if you've heard of it, but it's kind of a big deal. Unlike the fat cat, we humans can't eat and sleep all day and embrace our fatty selves because there is a lingering fear of judgement. Well I for one think that sucks! I would like nothing more than to eat, sleep, and be lazy all day, AND feel great about myself for doing it! Can you honestly look at a fat cat and not think to yourself, "MAN! That cat sure is enjoying life!" I know I can't. I wish we could all learn from the fat cat. I feel like they have more figured out than we give them credit for. Sure, they are lazy by our standards, but they also live for a good rubdown and enjoy nothing more than being in the company of their companion's embrace. That's what I call livin' the good life!